Now this picture seems to indicate that our little ducky friend has got himself into hot water and is about to become duck soup for the shoebill, especially bearing in mind the 4 ft tall shoebill is a renowned predator and not impartial to a bit of wildfowl for dinner, but read on!

Having grabbed the duck, the shoebill merely moved him to one side …

and dropped the poor little blighter onto his back.  As you can see it ruffled a few feathers but, according to onlookers, the duck appeared none the worse for wear!

The shoebill is a threatened species as it’s believed there are only about 5,000 or so remaining, and it tends to be found in large swamps in eastern Africa where it can grow to more than 5 ft tall and have a wingspan of up to 10 ft – quite an imposing figure I would imagine if you’re a duck trying to get out its way!.  It was only discovered in the 19th century when some shoebill skins were brought to Europe.  They mainly feed on fish, frogs, reptiles (including baby crocs), insects and small mammals.

Our next little furry friend is completely barking!

Meet dizzy Daisy the Staffordshire terrier – no, she’s not headless but the mad mutt managed to get her head stuck in a tumble dryer vent!  She was trapped for over an hour with her head in the 6 inch hole in the wall of the utility room in her home in Cambridgeshire.  Unfortunately, as she struggled to set herself free her head became swollen making it impossible for her owners to free her so they had to call the local fire brigade who chipped away the wall around her neck and removed some bricks.

Naturally the terrified terrier didn’t make life easy for her rescuers so the firemen administered oxygen to her to keep her as calm as possible.  After about half an hour she was free with nothing worse than a few scratches.  She was subsequently checked over by a vet who gave her a clean bill of health – no pun intended… utility room?  Laundry??  And just for those of you who are interested in seeing Daisy in a slightly more dignified manner, here she is.

The next animal is bound to have all you animal fanatics out there going aaahhh!!  Meet Baldrick the bald hedgehog – oh bless!!!

This little chap was found in a garden at Great Yarmouth in my home county of Norfolk and is now being looked after by a wildlife rescue centre.  He’s about four months old and, as you can imagine, is a bit of a rarity.  This wrinkly little critter would normally have around 500 prickles to protect him from predators and to help keep him warm but he’s got absolutely zilch!

In order to keep him alive his ‘foster parents’ clean him using an antiseptic scrub and then rub baby oil into his skin in the hope that it’ll soften enough to promote the growth of spikes.  Apparently Baldrick is partial to mealworms and has been known to go to the edge of his cage and put his paw up to take in the odd mealy morsel!!

It’s thought that Baldrick was probablyy abandoned by his mother but it seems he’s doing just fine now … He was a mere 240 grams when he arrived at his new home but he’s now reached a hefty 800 grams!

Now we meet Meadow, who’s half the calf she used to be!

This little Black Angus calf was found in a paddock having lost her hooves and part of her ears due to severe frostbite, but help was at hand via Nancy Dickenson, a rancher who bought the calf and then proceeded to spend thousands of dollars on surgery for her.  Part of her back legs were amputated back in August and vets and students from Colorado State Uni have just fitted her with prosthetic legs and hooves.  Apparently Meadow is now enjoying her life frollicking around in the fields … and before you ask, no she’s not going to end up on the barbecue but is very much a family pet in the Dickenson household!!

And last but not least – meet the stag who decided to spend a night at a Five Star Hotel.

This handsome looking guy held the security team at bay when it gatecrashed into the lobby of the Five Star hotel in northern China.  It’s thought that, due to it being the rutting season, the deer saw himself in the glass and charged the reflection.  Having found himself in the lobby of the hotel he became a bit twitchy – whether it was due to the strange surroundings or the price of the B&B I don’t know, but he started to run amok.  Eventually wildlife experts sedated him, took him to a zoo close by to get him checked out and then returned him to the wild.  Certainly puts a new slant on the term ’stag do’!!!!

You know your dog isn’t going to continue obedience school if they write a letter to the school’s owner telling them you are the owner of a flea circus and intend to bring the circus to class next time.

A common drill that is used is for the owners of dogs to run in a circle with their dog on a leash making sure that the dog stays in step with class.  My dog took a dump.  That’s right.  He pooped right in the circle and three owners stepped in it before the circle run was stopped.  The mess was covered with sawdust and I was put in charge of cleaning it up.

Before that my dog would run ahead and sniff the dog ahead of us which would freak it out and cause it to jump in the air.

My dog hired some cats and squirrels to position themselves outside of class and go “na-na-nana-na.”  They then took off with the dogs in hot pursuit.  Many dog owners suffered bruises.

Of course my dog did try to appeal to my softer side by leaving a copy of Hitler’s “Mein Kamph” on top of his leash.

I knew though that he really was having fun embarrassing me.  In other words he really didn’t want a peaceful solution to the situation.

One evening I noticed him and a couple other dogs in a huddle a few feet away from me.  I didn’t put two-and-two together.  His “friends” got into a squabble across the auditorium floor and while they distracted the crowd he quickly pulled me to the refreshment counter which offered wine-based refreshments.  Did I mention that some of my friends from church were in the class?

I should have admitted I was defeated but I followed through and made him graduate—sort of.  And, I suppose that also gave him his ultimate hatred of me.

When we got our diplomas we walked across the stage and had our dogs “sit,” “stay” and “come.”

When it came to my pet’s turn he jumped around like playful puppy the whole time.  They gave me the diploma but three days later I got a letter in the mail that had a copy of the diploma stamped “Null and Void.”

All these years now my dog has hated me.  If I had just listened to him I would have a loyal pet instead of a sworn enemy.

No Thanks!  “Na-na-nana-na!”

Image via Wikipedia

Which is why I am more of a dog person.  We own cats;  my wife, in fact, spent an absolutely ludicrous amount of money on a hairless cat.  That’s right, it’s just as bald as a baby’s ass.  And the single ugliest creature you will lay eyes upon.  I tried, in vain, to talk her into rescuing a cat from the animal shelter (No, I am not that altruistic, although my dog was a rescuee… the $40 price just seemed a bit more palatable) and shaving it, but in cat world, even this suggestion is considered heresy.

The evening we picked the mutant cat up from the airport (you heard right there, as well… they apparently only grow hairless cats in warm climates.  Hmmm…) she took it home and immediately proceeded to take the animal which had been bred to have no hair and dressed it.  In clothes.  Seriously.  Sitting with Cheops- so named because somehow hairless is considered to remind us of Egypt- She informed me in her cutest little oody boody boo voice that the poor cat was shivering.

I considered for the briefest of moments pointing out that they bred these mutant animals in warm climates for a reason, and that Wisconsin (where we live) is just a tad bit short of the arctic circle, but having remained successfully married for over a decade saw immediately the err of this plan.  And chose instead to laugh, which I did for some time.  Hell, it’s funny. 

And therein lies cats’ redeeming feature;  they have the ability to annoy me.  Here are some classic examples:

Cheops doesn’t do anything nearly this cool, although she does on occasion do that thing they do where she jumps directly into the air when I yell during football games, which is usually worth a chuckle.  But you know what?  She’s bald.  That’s enough of a humorous note that I decided we’d keep her.  That, and because if I got rid of her, my wife would probably go with her. (I suppose there ought to be some dedication in there for $1500)  Such is life.  And I always got my dog.

To start with, would this offspring be called a “cuppy,” or a “ditten,” or by a general reference like a “confusine?”

We will for the time being presume they would be called a cuppy.

One other problem would be what standardized name would we use?  Would we name the cuppy “Spot” or “Midnight?”

Let’s name our cuppy Flash just for posterity.

What traits would you expect Flash to exhibit?

Flash would not chase a ball.  He would look at you like you were an idiot.  He would expect you to go get it and when you did he would nod his head in approval and purr.

When our cuppy grew up he would be a “Dat.”  That reminds me when my son was a baby learning to talk.  He would point his finger and question “Dat, daddy, dat!?”  However, I digress.

If our dat happened to have more cat genes than dog genes then dogs may mistake him for a cat.  When they started to push him around he would chase them into the next neighborhood.  If you stop and think about the combination of dog and cat teeth there would probably be some close assortment of near-fangs.

Flash would ride in the car but he would want a car seat.

Our pet would demand a combination meal of puppy chow, fish and cream.

Flash would be nice to guests but they would start sneezing and not know why.  Ah that cat dander is wonderful.

If you had a female dat your house would be the location for tomcats and male dogs fighting one another and making all kinds of noises.

Your dat would want to be walked but would want to cover up their messes.  Therefore you would have to let them go to the bathroom, cover up their mess and then you would have to dig it up and put it in a bag.

I was thinking, isn’t a lion a cat and a bear a dog?  I could be wrong but I think I’m right.  What if they mated?

You would have a “lear” but would it growl or roar or goar?

In writing this article you can see why it was wise to leave the creation of animals to God.

Image via Wikipedia

Of course not every one can be a genius and not everybody can be a basketball star.

As such we don’t look around enough in the animal world for animals that aren’t quite up to speed.  There are many animals that have not completely evolved.  It is of interest for amateur biologists like me to search these creatures out so that science can move forward.

• The Beagle:  For centuries this animal has been classified as a dog, a bit of a hound.  As it turns out it is a bird.  And, as it further turns out it is an inferior bird.  It is an eagle.  It was classified with designation “B” and small letter e so that people knew it was a second-rate eagle.
• The elephant:  The elephant has been a major disappointment.  It was supposed to have a trunk on both ends.  That way one elephant would feed itself from its front and another elephant’s back making the species twice as large.
• The hummingbird was so named because of the sound made by its wings however it was supposed to hum a happy song…Zip-A-Dee-Doo-Da I believe.
• Rattlesnakes were supposed to be baby-friendly but evolution hasn’t been able o get rid of the fangs and poison.
• Camels were supposed to have eight humps and be an integral part of mass transit.
• Cows weren’t given four stomachs to work on one product.  They are supposed to provide ice cream, milk shakes, chocolate and white milk.
• Turtles were actually thought to be headed to the band section as a drum.
• Electric eels were supposed to be spare wiring.
• The ostrich was supposed to fly but it is scared of heights.
• Seals were supposed to evolve to the point where they could be sheared much like sheep only they would provide rubber.
• Sheep were supposed to evolve to the point where they provided satin.

Then of course there are some animals that didn’t stop evolving when they were supposed to.  This would include alligators, giraffes and zebras.

Many people claim monkeys became men.  One would hope they have a ways to go.

Researchers are still trying to figure out the intent of mosquitoes and roaches.  Where do they think they’re going?

White mice have babies about every 20 days.  They are trying just a little too hard to change.

One of the great mysteries in the evolutionary world is the bear.  Are they supposed to be polar bears, black bears or brown bears?  They should be moving towards one color unless they are all trying to be grizzly bears.

We will continue to monitor this most important issue.

Q:  “Hermie why isn’t more known about Dwarf Hamsters?”

A:  “Humans like pets to be big like them.  Dwarf hamsters can’t fetch.  Humans have to get something out of the relationship.  It isn’t enough to watch a being’s life be lived out.”

Q:  “However you are a lower class of being; you would have to admit that wouldn’t you?”

A:  “Do you have any idea how much intelligence it takes to “look your size?”  I mean our son hamsters (hammers) go to college and play sports and now under Title IX our daughters (hammettes) are able to play sports as well.  But in our world to play sports you have to have an “A” average.

Q:  “If you are so intelligent how is it you inbreed and eat your young?” 

A:  “Don’t be such a wise guy.  If you really evolved you did the same thing.  I think we’re on the road to greater things than you.”

Q:  “Do you have an idol?”

A:  “The Geico Caveman.”

Q:  “Do dwarf hamsters like music?”

A:  “We love music.  We just have a little trouble carrying our instruments.”

Q:  Do you have anything like “American Idol?”

A:  “No, we consider Simon Cowell the devil.”

Q:  “Is there anything in particular you would like to share with us.”

A:  “Dwarf hamsters are like anyone else.  We are equal to regular-size hamsters in fact many people see us as more docile pets and more fun to watch.

We are not predatory.  We don’t kill others.  We aren’t loud.  Occasionally we get a little drunk drinking “hamster food wine” but we are “happy drunks.”

We marry for life and most males are involved in raising the kids.  So what if one gets eaten once in a while. That leaves more opportunity for the others.   

Q:  “What are your greatest fears?”

A:  “Cats, water, hamsters, three-year-olds, stupid humans and pet store owners who leave other animals and people too close to us and forget to feed us.

Image via Wikipedia

Well I would certainly like to thank you Hermie for spending some time to help us understand dwarf hamsters a little better.

Thank you for the $50.

Well my friend you are not crazy, your cat is trying to kill you.  First they study you and your habits, then the stalking comes, followed by the attempts at your life.  Written below are some actual scenarios of cats and their ninja ways:

• When you wake up in the morning and there is a little ball of fur (or in my case a large ball of fur) on your chest, staring at you as if willing you to wake up.  They aren’t just sitting there to be cute and cuddly, no my friend they are really trying to put so much pressure on your chest you end of suffocating
• In the middle of the night when that same ball of fur sitting on your chest stretches out her paw to your face and then extends her claws.  That’s her way of trying to pry the skin off of your face
• When your cat sits at the window and starts making the chirping sounds, they are really communicating with the animals outside.  Giving them the code to the alarm and telling them where the spare key is hidden.
• When you cats lays on your lap and starts kneading on you they are really testing out the molding capability of your skin
• When they throw up on the carpet within eye range, they are sending out a message showing depicting what you are going to look like when they are done with you
• When they bring a dead animal and place it at or near your feet, they are not showing you what a good protector they are, they are showing what is going to happen to you when you least expect it.

Image by mikebaird via Flickr

Dolphins are smart creatures. No doubt about it. They are the smartest creatures in the sea. They use ultrasonic sounds to navigate, and are somewhat friendly to humans. But what should you not do in front of a dolphin? A lot of stuff, apparently. Here’s a list.

1. Ride a dolphin’s back- Riding on the back of a dolphin is a just plain stupid idea. If you read my article “What not to do when you are stranded out at sea” on my blog, you should know that you will get lost and most likely die out at sea. A dolphin does not know where you want to go. It only goes where it wants to, not where you want it to go.
2. Insult a mom dolphin’s children- A mother of any species will not take an insult to it’s children no matter what. If it even seems to her that you are trying to harm her child in any way, she will get violent and possibly do you harm.
3. Try to get it’s female- Just like in any species, you should also avoid this. If you seem to be trying to get the female a male wants, the male will attack you. Male dolphins do this all the time in their own species, so why wouldn’t they do it with a species that is just as smart?
4. Try to feed a whole group at once- If you do this, and you are in a small fishing boat, prepare to get tag teamed by angry dolphins. Remember, throwing up one fish for a group will probably cause a dispute on who gets that fish. So who will the unlucky majority go for more? The person or place that the first fish was thrown from.

So whatever you do, don’t do these few things when you see a dolphin close to your boat. But remember, this article is just for fun, and is not at all serious. For real facts, ask your dolphin specialist.

Visit my blog at www.gourabwritersofficialblog.blogspot.com

A dog owner comes home from work to find his dog waiting for him behind the door.  The dog is wagging his tail, delighted beyond measure to see his master again.  He wags his tail in glee, and licks his master’s face.  The owner drops everything and starts petting the dog, stroking his head and tickling him behind the ears.

“Oh, you are so good to me,” thinks the dog.  “You pet me, feed me, fuss me and look after me.  You take care of all my needs every day. Truly you must be God!”

A cat owner comes home from work to find his cat sitting calmly on the sofa.  He sits down next to his pet, who licks her paw thoughtfully while her owner strokes her and brings out various little toys to amuse her.  After a while, the cat nuzzles her head against her owner’s hand and he is delighted by the attention.

“Oh, you are so good to me,” thinks the cat.  “You pet me, feed me, fuss me and look after me.  You take care of all my needs every day.  Surely I must be God!”

For more humour, try this strange tale:  A Tale of Two Counts

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Just a little warm up.  One leg at a time.  Of course, some creatures have more legs to warm up than others.  A spot of leaf-top leg-bend yoga has become a popular way for these fellas to kick off their mornings before a busy day doing, er… beetley things.

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A candid shot taken at a mid-morning flamingo yoga class.  Now, all together, the “tree” pose.  Hold… and breathe….  Hey, you at the back.  I said “tree” not “teapot”.

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This dragonfly is carrying out a lovely elbow balance known in human yoga as the “feathered peacock pose”.  A true yogi.  Note the focus and stillness required to successfully perform this pose.  Years of practice.  Only a master could achieve this.

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Nice to see a squirrel having a good shot at the “plough” pose  Either that or he’s trying to let loose a little trapped wind.  …. Or he’s dead.

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Yes, it is ultra-sandy.  Oh you said “ustra-sana” – my mistake.  Yes, that’s yoga-ese for “camel” pose.   Although, the camel is refusing to join in  -  he’s got the hump.  (Any other hump jokes – please keep to yourselves)

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Some animals have become so proficient at meditation, they have evolved a middle eye.  This frog now sees only with his third eye, having lost the use of the first two.

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And finally, a beautiful photo captured during  this iguana’s early evening ’sun salutation’ sequence.  Let the photo speak for itself.  Namaste.  (That means “I respect the god within you that is also within me”  or words to that effect.  Yoga people say this a lot)

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