1. Does not have a gun permit.
2. Went jogging without you.
3. Comes with an aerosol spray can.
4. Refuses to prioritize.
5. Is the world’s worst mood ring.
6. Map quested Dunkin Donuts.
7. Does not come with a money back guarantee.
8. Should never operate heavy machinery.
9. Hates David Blane.
10. Failed the SATs.
11. Vacuumed my carpet five weeks ago,
12. But forgot to lift the sofa,
13. And is now unemployed.
14. Voted for McCain.
15. Finally kicked that coke addiction.
16. Got drunk and threw apricots at Martha Stewart at New Years.
17. Hates apple pie.
18. Was voted least likely to succeed in my high school year book.
19. Bought a spider man sweater on Ebay for 19.95 plus shipping.
20. Stalked Mr. Potato head on Myspace.
21. Stole my shampoo,
22. And danced the Macarena at my cousin’s wedding.
23. Got arrested for tax evasion.
24. Always travels light.
25. Drunk dialed Mark Wahlberg.

Bonus:

• Always goes to bed after 9:30.