1. Two peanuts were walking down a spooky road at night... One was assaulted.
2. What do you call a sleepwalking nun?
3. Why can't a chicken coop have more than 2 doors?
Because if it had 4 doors it would be a chicken sedan.
4. What do you call a guy who never farts in public?
A private tutor.
5. What do you call spending the afternoon with a cranky rabbit?
A bad hare day.
6. A no-armed man goes into a church and asks if he can get a job there. The man he talks to says, “The only job we have is the person who tells our bell ringer when to ring the bell every hour.” The no-armed man accepts the job.
The next day on his first day of work, he tries to find the man to tell him it’s two o’clock. When he cannot find the man, he panics and rings the bell by banging his forehead against it. Only afterward does he realize that the man he was looking for was on the other side of the bell tower. Unfortunately, the man is so surprised, he falls off the tower and onto the street below.
By some miracle, he survives. After pushing his way through a crowd that had gathered around the man, the town mayor comes to the man and asks: “Who did this to you?” The man responds, “I don’t remember his name, but his face rings a bell.”
7.Two fish are in a tank; One looks over at the other and says “DO YOU KNOW HOW TO DRIVE THIS THING!!!”
8.What do you call epileptic lettuce?
9. What did the mother Buffalo say when her boy left for college?
10. Why was the Tomato blushing?
because he saw the Salad Dressing