“In America anybody can be president. That’s one of the risks you take.”

Adlai Stevenson

Many people consider Stevenson (1900 – 1965) an also-ran because he lost out to Dwight D Eisenhower in the 1952 and 1956 elections. As a result, though, he cannot be blamed for many of the things for which Dwighty baby is blamed. He was a man of great intellect and liberal ideas even though he came from Illinois. He was from a political family with some closetty skeletons not unlike the Kennedys (Stevenson killed a friend when he was 16, practicing his drill technique with a loaded rifle. We still read the same story ever day so some things never change). You could say he was the “West Wing” TV President that never was – his reputation for being an intellectual endeared him to many people but an awful lot were put off by the same thing. One quote that doesn’t appear in this list is “Americans do not like a smart man”, but it should be. We salute you Stevenson, the best President the US never had.

“I love Americans when they try to talk French. What a blessing it is they never try to talk English”

Saki

Saki (1870 – 1916) was really a chap called Hector Hugh Munro – Saki was his pen name (I would say nom de plume, what with the above quote about language, but with so many Americans reading this one would not wish to alienate. Not any further at least). He isn’t very well known these days, which is a shame. He wrote edgy stories with more than a little of the Dorothy Parker in them, if you get my drift. Perhaps the most famous line from his works is “Romance at short notice was her speciality”. Now, we all know someone like that, don’t we?

“When good Americans die they go to Paris. When bad Americans die they go to America”

Oscar Wilde

Wilde (1854 – 1900) was, despite the above, was charmed by America and feted by its citizens. Many people think he was English but in fact he was Irish and is best remembered for his plays such as The Importance of Being Earnest and An Ideal Husband. He was a major celebrity player of his day but fell from public grace when he was convicted of the crime of gross indecency. Basically he was sent down for being gay (and an uppity one at that!). The brilliance of his work, however, has ensured his immortality in our (slightly) more enlightened times.

“To Americans English manners are far more frightening than none at all.”

Randall Jarrell

Jarrell (1914 – 1965) was born the year the First World War broke out and hailed from Nashville, Tennessee. He is mostly known for his poetry and was killed by a speeding car. One wonders, as Jarrell had recently been treated for depression, whether or not he jumped in front of the car. Either way, having exhausted all his options he was run over by someone in the process of exhausting their own. His reputation is based on only 160 poems – one reason perhaps he is referred to as “minor”. Not Morris Minor, we hope!

“A citizen of America will cross the ocean to fight for democracy, but won’t cross the street to vote in a national election.”

Bill Vaughan

Vaughan (1915 – 1977) was a columnist born in Missouri. Which is ironic. He wrote for lots of fairly boring magazines, from “Reader’s Digest” to “Better Homes and Gardens”. I’m sleepy already. However, he remains popular amongst those who like homely, folks stuff. Pass me the sleeping pills, now. Sometimes prescient, though, my favourite quote of his is “Suburbia is where the developer bulldozes down the trees, then names the streets after them.” I mean, how many wisterias have you ever seen on “Desperate Housewives”?

“The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American recently passed each other going in opposite directions.”

George Carlin

The love child of Mae West and Lenny Bruce? Perhaps not, but Carlin (born in1937 and still alive – hurrah, someone on the list liveth!) is an expert when it comes to that heady cross of political and black humour. So political and black that in 1978 the Supreme Court said that the Government could regulate Carlin’s act when broadcast. No wonder so many Americans buy pickups, plaid shirts, enough fire power to wipe out a small Asian country (Vietnam excepted) and head for the hills. He was also the first person to host Saturday Night Live. So, how come so few have heard of him outside America?

“Ninety-eight percent of the adults in this country are decent, hardworking, honest Americans. It’s the other lousy two percent that get all the publicity. But then, we elected them.”.”

Lily Tomlin

Possibly the greatest living lesbian in the world, Tomlin (1939 and still alive – a second on our list, we thank Sappho) has integrity. When AT&T offered her a cool half million to film an advert for them using her Ernestine incarnation (mouthy but good hearted telephonist) she turned them down, saying it would mean a loss of her artistic integrity. You go, girl! She has been in numerous films and is still going strong, with a remarkable, funny and sometime downright athletic for a woman her age, turn in “I Heart Huckabees” amongst others of late. Although appearing in the “West Wing” the closest she has ever come to shock and awe is playing opposite Dolly Parton and her eponymously named mammaries.

“In every American there is an air of incorrigible innocence, which seems to conceal a diabolical cunning.”

A E Houseman

Houseman (1859 – 1936) was born in Fockbury in England, one of those place names that always raises a titter. Fockbury is fairly amusing in its own right as well. He won an open scholarship to Oxford and in later life taught there, even though Houseman had unexpectedly failed his final exams there. The failure has been blamed on repressed sexual feelings or one of his roommates (OK, all of you now going “ew”, like this never happens now even, give guy a chance. Victoria was on the throne at the time and homosexuality was against the law. Victoria didn’t even believe lesbians existed so quite what she would have made of Lily Tomlin is anyone’s guess. Ok – a long shot “We are not amused” possibly.) Back to Alfred Edward, his most famous poems are “The Shropshire Lad” cycle, which are as boring as they sound, I’m afraid. He did, however, stick up for Oscar Wilde after his trial with his poem “Oh who is that young sinner with the handcuffs on his wrists?” which was nice.

“Americans will put up with anything provided it doesn’t block traffic.”

Dan Rather

Rather (1931 – present) was the news anchor for CBS evening news and had his own show on cable as well. He contributed to “60 minutes” as well and famously launched a law suit against the show when he felt that he had been denied airtime on it. Seventy Million dollars worth of airtime it seems. He gave two million dollars to his University (Sam Houston State) in 2006, which was the largest gift that the university had ever received (can’t be much good then). His time in Afghanistan during the Soviet Invasion of the eighties gained him the nickname “Gunga Dan”. In 1990 he interviewed Sadam Hussein who said to him “The United States depends on the Air Force. The Air Force has never decided a war in the history of wars”. Nagasaki and Hiroshima aside, the Hussein chappy got it somewhat wrong. A brave journalist Rather had gained the right to say of those in his profession in 2006 “What many of us need is a spine transplant.”

“Half the American people have never read a newspaper. Half never voted for President. One hopes it is the same half.”

Gore Vidal

Ah Gore! If America had a king, this guy would probably want to be it! However, like Stevenson at the top of his list, he is far too much the intellectual to be much liked at home and currently resides in Italy. He wrote the first American novel – The City and The Pillar (1948) that featured unambiguous and in your face homosexuality. He was born in 1925 and dropped his two first names Eugene Luther in his teens. His taken name, Gore was the surname of his grandfather, Thomas Gore, who was an Oklahoman Senator. Thus it is that Gore Vidal and Al Gore are related despite their common name being at opposite ends, as it were. He will probably be best remembered for his 1968 novel (his third) “Myra Breckinridge”. He unambiguously believes that Iraq and Afghanistan were planned well in advance of 9/11 and only time will prove him right. Or wrong.