In The Washroom
This is probably the safest place you could possibly fart. Even if it’s a public washroom, people expect that sort of thing to happen.
At A Beach
Nothing beats farting in a large open space with a beautiful breeze. The chance of someone catching a whiff is unlikely, but even if they do, they wont be able to tell which direction it came from.
In A Pool
Although air rises, pools generally do a good job at muzzling the smell of flatulence. Be sure to let it out slowly, though, as the bubbles can make it obvious.
In A Crowded Store
The only joy of a crowded store is that you can let one loose and no one knows who did it. Just be sure to keep it quiet, and no one will ever know. Remember: always keep walking.
In The Outdoors
Read more in HumorWhale Oil: Not Just for Breakfast Anymore »
As long as you have a good breeze, this is a safe spot to pass gas. Just make sure no one is in the direction that the wind is blowing!
In An Airport
Nothing is more crowded than an airport, so farting here is usually safe. Just make sure to fart while walking, not sitting in a terminal.
At A Friend’s House
If they’re really your friend, you’ve heard one another fart. If you can’t fart amongst friends, who can you fart amongst?
On The Dance Floor
It’s loud, it’s crowded, and it probably already smells. The chances of you being caught passing gas is slim to none. Be sure to “dance” your way to another spot on the dance floor, as you don’t want to get blamed for your actions!
As long as you don’t lift the covers, you’ll be fine. It might take a few minutes for the smell to dissipate, but you’ll be in the clear if it was a silent one.
In A Hall/Walkway
The joy about halls and walkways are that people walk through them, meaning they will catch maybe one quick whiff, then the smell will be gone.