10 Things to Check Before Farting

Published by in Humor
18th Aug 2010

Make Sure Nobody is Around

You don’t want someone hearing or smelling your flatulence.

When in Public, Find A Crowded Spot

The wonderful thing about crowds is that everyone plays the blame game. Make sure to walk away after doing your crime.

Make Sure You’re Not Close To Anyone

If you’re sitting on or beside someone, or even laying beside them, they’ll probably feel the vibration from your fart. Farts can been heard, smelt, felt, and in some cases, tasted. 

If Online, Mute Your Mic

People often forget that when they are on Skype (and other video/audio chat services), that others can still hear them. 

Don’t Fart Anywhere Important

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If you’re sitting at your desk working, or sitting on the couch watching TV, don’t fart. Get up and fart somewhere else. No one likes to sit in their own stench.

Don’t Wear Important Underwear

If you care for your underwear, don’t fart in them. But who cares about underwear anyways?

Don’t Sit on Vinyl, Hard Plastics, or Wood

Nothing is worse than farting on a deflective surface. Find a soft, absorbent fabric to fart onto; it’s much more quiet.

Avoid Dogs

Dogs love finding that smell. And people find it funny when the dog zeros in on you.

Make Sure You Don’t Have Diarrhoea

A world without sharts is a better place.

Take Note of The Nearest Washroom

Just incase the previous step fails.