Make Sure Nobody is Around
You don’t want someone hearing or smelling your flatulence.
When in Public, Find A Crowded Spot
The wonderful thing about crowds is that everyone plays the blame game. Make sure to walk away after doing your crime.
Make Sure You’re Not Close To Anyone
If you’re sitting on or beside someone, or even laying beside them, they’ll probably feel the vibration from your fart. Farts can been heard, smelt, felt, and in some cases, tasted.
If Online, Mute Your Mic
People often forget that when they are on Skype (and other video/audio chat services), that others can still hear them.
Don’t Fart Anywhere Important
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If you’re sitting at your desk working, or sitting on the couch watching TV, don’t fart. Get up and fart somewhere else. No one likes to sit in their own stench.
Don’t Wear Important Underwear
If you care for your underwear, don’t fart in them. But who cares about underwear anyways?
Don’t Sit on Vinyl, Hard Plastics, or Wood
Nothing is worse than farting on a deflective surface. Find a soft, absorbent fabric to fart onto; it’s much more quiet.
Dogs love finding that smell. And people find it funny when the dog zeros in on you.
Make Sure You Don’t Have Diarrhoea
A world without sharts is a better place.
Take Note of The Nearest Washroom
Just incase the previous step fails.