Ten things you can say to your car, but never your wife

1.  My God, you need a wash.
2. Where is that funny noise coming from?
3. C’mon! C’mon! Go faster, for pity’s sake!
4. We really must do something about that leakage.
5. Those headlamps definitely need some adjustment.
6. That bodywork has seen better days.
7. I’ve never seen such a worn out bush.
8. Your big end is totally shot.
9. There’s plenty of room for kids in there. And pets.
10. You looked much younger in the advert.

Ten things you can say to your car, but never your husband.

1. My God, you need a wax.
2. If I hear that noise again, I’ll have your exhaust looked at.
3. Oh, now look. There are skid marks everywhere!
4. We really must do something about those emissions.
5. Those nuts need tightening.
6. First thing tomorrow, I’m going to replace that knob.
7. Is that much baldness safe?
8. Is that supposed to be a big end?
9. How many beers did you get in there, exactly?
10. I thought your advert said you were a good ride!