1- The one upper- You know him, he is sitting in the snack room every Monday just waiting for someone to begin talking about their weekend adventure. He has done it all and done it better than any of you. You walk by talking with your buddy about the fishing, hunting or partying you did over the weekend. Somehow he “overhears” you and come running. Just as you finish up with the “and I told her, of course I will call”. He begins talking about how he picked up the Swedish Bikini Team a few weeks back, or he caught Moby Dick in a trout stream. It doesn’t matter, you will never do it better than him.
2- The eccesive Face Book Quoter- Look when mother Teresa said something it was motivational, when you place it as your “what on your mind” title on FB your an idiot. Seriously be original, if wanted a biblical lesson when I sign on to chat with my friends I would be at church instead. Sorry but seriously if I liked literature I would not have had to take eigth grade english twice.
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3- That idiot that cuts me off in traffic every morning- What is the matter with you? Really man, I believe my life to be more valuable than having time to grab a breakfast sandwich from Mickey D’s. Have you ever thought about anyone but yourself or is it the rush of taking advantage of passive drivers? get your head out of your… and realize that the road is not yours.
4- The excessive laugher- Everything you say is not a punch line. It is truly not funny when you tell you story about picking up after you dog. Well yes that is, the fact that you work for your dog is pretty funny but seriously. Are you really that happy? If you are more power to you but you are not spreading cheer all your are doing is enraging me on the inside to the point that my therapist does not think is healthy.
5- Mediocrity celebrators- Really, Timmy got a C? Way to go, now when he gets his job serving me Big Macs you can help him by a 1980 Pinto. Why is it that everyone gets a trophy these days. I mean they are not all winners and most of them sat on the bench so we say “way to go, you showed up”! I hope for their sake that they find jobs in life that give them a paycheck for doing nothing as well because this is what they are being conditioned to.
6- The Never ending talker- Not catching on to the “uh huh, uh huh, OK, OK” are we? If you are talking and this is what you are hearing from the other person, guess what? THEY ARE NOT LISTENING. Shocked? I hope not or you are just so lonely you have become a word terrorist.
7- The Fast Text-er- Can I answer one text at a time here please? I get so confused trying answer the barrage of three texts at a time I have to quit. the next thing you know “I’m ignoring you” and I have to hear about that. Really one at a time please. I have fat fingers so trust me more than one at a time I am not texting you back… ever again.
8- The boss that calls me on my day off- This is not only rude it has got to be the top reason I have always hated my bosses. Seriously, I am not going to fix it right now and to tell you the truth I am going to come in late on Monday now. I already think it is unfair that I have to listen to you five days a week and now you want to impose your will on the time I spend talking about you behind your back? My therapists says I should keep taking my meds as long as you are my boss. I am thinking it might be fun to try coming to work without them now.
9- Advice giver- Look if you are Over Weight, don’t tell me how to lose weight. If you can’t afford to by a pack of gum two days before pay day, don’t tell me how to become rich. If you bald, don’t tell me about the best shampoo and conditioner combo to use. If you are divorced please do not give me marital advice. Get the point? We all no these people and I know you are too nice to tell them to shut up so have them read this and maybe they will get the point. Then again they probably don’t realize that they are not qualified to give this advice so you might be wasting you time.
10- The Internet Stud/ Beauty Queen- Look , if they are on line looking for a date be cautious. I know the excuse “I work a lot and don’t have time to meet people”. If this is true O.K. but ladies and gents they are rarely as advertised. I have met a few so I know from experience here. You can be 5′6″ and become 6′ in as long as it takes you to type it. All you have to do is listen to the country song, “On line” by Brad Paisley. It sums it up. All I am saying is that they are on line for a reason. I will not fall for this again myself. I am not talking about all people that do this only the ones that embellish the truth.
Thanks for reading I hope I didn’t offend anyone ofcourse if you’ve read other articles by me you should have known what you were getting into. Until next time, thanks for reading.