10 Ways to Annoy a Telemarketer
- Ask questions: Turn the conversation around quickly by asking questions. But not just any question. No, no, you want to ask questions that will lead the conversation away from whatever it is the telemarketer is trying to get you to buy or do. Get personal. Ask their name. Ask how to spell it. Ask them how many kids they have, are they married, where did they go to school. Stuff like that. And don’t forget to ask for their address, personal phone number, social security number and credit card numbers.
- Bait and switch: What do you do for a living? Do you make something or sell something? Make sure to let the telemarketer know about it, and then try to sell them your product!
- Lovey dovey: Wait to hear the telemarketer’s opening spiel, then ask them out on a date. Or better yet, ask them to marry you. This will work best if they are the same sex as you.
- Waiting … waiting: When you answer the phone, tell the telemarketer that you are in the middle of something and ask them to give you just a few seconds. Once they agree, set the phone down and then go on your merry way and do whatever it is you were going to do anyway. Check the phone in an hour and see if they are still there. They won’t be.
- Act drunk: That’s right. Act drunk. Act a fool. Call the telemarketer by another name, any name, just not the one they gave you. Slur your words. Drop the phone a couple of times. Curse at imaginary people. Talk to yourself. Ask the telemarketer to hurry up and come over and bring another case of beer.
- Keeping it in house: Once the telemarketer tells you what company they are calling for, inform them that you work for the exact same company. Oh joy! What a coincidence! Now the two of you can talk shop!
- Can you hear me now?: TALK IN A VERY LOUD VOICE! If they ask you to speak lower, tell the telemarketer that you can’t hear a word that they’re saying, and ask them to speak louder.
- Kids today: Use a slightly high voice and inform the telemarketer that you are a child and that your parents won’t be home until later. If the telemarketer asks for a time to call back, give them a time in which you know for sure you will not be home.
- Pizza, anyone?: When a telemarketer calls, act like they are the pizza delivery driver calling to get directions. Just make sure not to give them real directions. No matter what the telemarketer says to you, act as if you can’t hear them real well and keep talking as if they are from the pizza company.
- Turn it up: When you realize you’ve got a telemarketer on the phone, turn on a near television or radio REALLY LOUDLY and just set the phone down in front of the speakers. Leave it there. Come back in a few minutes and your phone line will be cleared.
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