10 Ways to Annoy People in The Drive-thru
- Get right on their bumper: The idiot in front of you, the one who is going through the drive-thru and ordering $500 worth of dollar burgers, yeah, that idiot. I’m talking about him. Get right on his bumper. Mere inches away. Every time he moves forward a notch, you move forward a notch. But tread carefully, especially if you don’t have good insurance.
- Play your music: Loud. I mean really loud. This one is especially effective if you are following tip number one above. After all, other people are always interested in what type of music you like. For best results, pick some death metal tunes or some hip hop with a really strong base line. Or you can opt for the freak-out and try something totally unexpected, maybe something from The Sound of Music, or something potentially offensive like the soundtrack to Tenacious D: The Pick of Destiny or Team America; lots of good cursing in those last two.
- Don’t forget it’s “to go:” The person on the other end of that speaker, the one where you give your order, usually isn’t all that bright. Sometimes they’re barely there at all. Give them a little reminder by telling them over the speaker, and again when you get to the window, that your order is to go. They’ll love you for that one.
- Just ask for water: Or maybe a cup of ice. Make sure you don’t order anything. And tell them it’s for your dog, who is thirsty. But don’t have a dog in the vehicle with you. This one will really get their attention if you have a car full of people, and if you’ve had to wait for a long time before putting in your order.
- Place a big order, then leave: I’m talking a huge order. 50 burgers. 20 fries. 20 shakes. A couple dozen soft drinks. Maybe throw in a few ice creams or something. Then when your vehicle is the next to last one to approach the window where you pay, speed out of the line and squeal your tires getting out of the parking lot. This will screw up everybody from those behind the register to the folks in line after you. A classic.
- Order breakfast at odd hours: Ask for eggs at midnight. Or a sausage biscuit, five minutes after they stop serving breakfast. Their eyes will roll. But secretly they will love you. They’re just showing off for their friends.
- Ask for everything on the side: Tell the order taker you want a cheeseburger with lettuce, tomato, pickles, onions and everything else they have for burgers, but you want everything on the side in a separate container. Actually, this sort of makes sense because it will keep the vegetables from becoming wilted. Don’t worry. The restaurant folks will understand. The customer’s always right, after all.
- Order stuff they don’t have: If you’re going through the drive-thru at a burger joint, ask for a dozen tacos. If you’re at a taco joint, ask for a bucket of fried chicken, extra crispy. You get the idea. For extra fun, insist upon Pepsi products if they only serve Coke, and vice versa. This one always helps to build server satisfaction because they know you’re just trying to keep them on their toes.
- Talk really loudly: This one works best if your car is full of friends, but you can also pull it off if you talk really loudly into a cell phone. For an added tweak, talk to other people in your car or over your cell while also giving your order. Then do it again while paying and receiving your food. No, they won’t spit in your food. They’ll love you for bringing extra fun to their day.
- Ask for extra condiments: Lots of condiments. You’ll want at least 20 or 30 ketchup packets. Maybe 10 or more salt and pepper packets. Don’t forget the mustard and mayonnaise. And plastic spoons! Can’t forget those. For added fun, keep asking for lots and lots of ketchup, but make sure you didn’t order any french fries.
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