101 Incredible Reasons: Why You Should Not Read This Article

  1. You could be working on your Myspace
    profile page instead of reading 100 more reasons “why you should not be reading this article”.
  2. Deep down inside of you know that reading this article will be a monumental waste of your precious time.
  3. Don’t you have some homework to finish or something else more important to do with your life than hastily rushing to read this article, that you had been warned not to read?
  4. Your employer may be monitoring your Internet activity and you are taking a big risk getting written up for reading this mess of seemingly useful reasons to not continue reading any further.
  5. The stock market is on a rollercoaster ride of highs and lows and you could be tracking your stock investments rather than reading another word of this article.
  6. Playing World of Warcraft
    in the mists of a gruesome battle between good and evil is better time spent than reading this article.
  7. Watching Celebrity Apprentice vastly edges out the entertainment value of this article, so you can stop reading now.
  8. Attending a lecture on the global warming and narrated by none other than Al Gore is less boring than reading this article.
  9. Walking the “Gauntlet” in a gang initiation is less painful than reading this terrible waste of time of an article.
  10. Running moonshine in Northern Georgia during prohibition is far less dangerous than reading this article, because prohibition is a thing of the past and your life is passing you by, while you stubbornly refuse to quit your reading.
  11. There are no Yo Momma jokes in this article, so you can stop reading here.
  12. This article could cause some people to experience nightmares of killer clowns, if they continue reading beyond this point.
  13. The number thirteen is considered an unlucky number and reading the thirteenth reason “why you should not read this article” may be a sign of bad things ahead, so stop reading before its too late!
  14. You are the perfect candidate for jury duty, so is this article still worth reading?
  15. Chasing down a slimy slug with a pint of German beer leaves a better aftertaste than I’d expect this article is going to leave behind.
  16. Going toe-to-toe with young Mike Tyson for three one-minute rounds will hurt less than the headache sure to follow, if you do make it to the end of the last round of this article.
  17. You could be running an anti-spyware scan on your computer rather than reading this boring article.
  18. Sitting through “The Blair Witch Project” is a more promising use of your time, but you still keep reading.
  19. If political articles make you cringe at the sight of them, then this the next few reasons will make you steam at the collar. Quit now or forever hold your piece.
  20. Senator Hillary Clinton’s husband’s past public record as President of the United States has proven that she is more interesting than this article.
  21. Senator Barak Obama’s “Change” campaign is much more promising of an idea than entertaining anymore of this article.
  22. Senator Fred Thompson demonstrated a lack of energy on the presidential primary campaign trail and if you follow his leadership, you will have no problem finishing this sentence and quitting this article.
  23. Scoring 999,990 on Pac-Man is a more productive use of time than the reading a relentless list of reasons “Why you shouldn’t be reading this article”.
  24. You are getting sleepy.
  25. Your eyes are getting heavy.
  26. Sleep.
  27. What you’re not sleepy? Well then, reading anymore of this article will only make you become restless and you don’t want that, do you?


  28. You should be practicing for your shot on American Idol and not reading this article.
  29. Don’t be surprised if you have to pay more for a gallon of gas, because you didn’t give up this article.
  30. Reading this article isn’t the same thing as going to the gym for a cardio workout, so stop reading and start working out.
  31. Jell-O Pudding is a better treat than this article.
  32. Rice cakes and this article has one thing in common, they both are tasteless.
  33. There aren’t any digital dancing babies shaking their butts in this article.
  34. Tie-dyed t-shirts are more innovative than anything that you’ll read in this article.
  35. Backing up your computer harddrive is more exciting than reading what is left of this article.
  36. Eleven is a prime number. If you choose to continue your eager quest to completing this article, then expect anything at this point of the game.
  37. This is the worst article on the Internet, so why do you keep reading?
  38. By the time it takes you to finish this article the United States will have elected its first African American President and its first Lady Vice President.
  39. The polar icecaps will have melted into the sea and the rise in seawater will swallow New York City before you can finish this non-eventful article.
  40. Don’t blame the messenger, due to your lapse in judgment by getting this far in this article and still will not just quit already.
  41. You’re not going to get laid sitting around reading this article.
  42. This article could cause some people who are trying to quit smoking want to light up, so save your life and put out this article already.
  43. There are no flying purple people eaters in this article, so bye-bye.
  44. If you are seeking the meaning of life, then you are reading the wrong article.
  45. You will not make as much money as Bill Gates the co-founder of Microsoft reading this article.
  46. You won’t make as much money as Carrot Top (the Comedian/Actor) reading this article.
  47. Sorting through a packed email inbox full of spam will make you swear less than reading this sorry excuse for an article.
  48. Some people reading this article beyond this point may experience hearing voices that are not there, so this is a good place to stop.
  49. Your fortune cookie says “Quit! Before its too late”.
  50. This is not the point of no return, so you can save yourself and quit this article.
  51. If you support Ron Paul for President, then you don’t have the time to waste reading this article.
  52. Look, I will save you the time reading this article any further, by promising you that the rest of this list is much worse than the first fifty-two “Incredible reasons why you should not read this article”.
  53. Readers who are overly sensitive to moronic, senseless humor should probably chill out and call it quits.
  54. Chocolate dipped in creamy Caramel covered in mixed nuts sounds really good right, so why not just quit reading this article and go get you one.
  55. There is no discussion about evolution in this article, so why waste anymore time reading this article
  56. Listening to your I-Pod is a better use of your time, then reading this article.
  57. Being the first player eliminated in the World Series of Poker would be less disappointing than reading another worthless word of this article.
  58. The repeating of the word “Article” in this article will soon drive you up the wall, if you keep refusing to stop reading this article.
  59. Fifty-nine bottles of beer on the wall and you probably thought that this joke was only funny once in this article. Are you ready to quit, now?
  60. Sixty bottles of beer on the wall. Sixty bottles of beer. Take one down and pass it around and…
  61. Some readers may feel their I.Q. points start dropping, if they continue reading this article any further.
  62. Governor Mitt Romney’s flip-flop on the issues is more entertaining than reading this article.
  63. Aggravating a cat with a laser pointer is much more hilarious than the humor contained in this article.
  64. Airing out your family’s dirty laundry on national television would be less embarrassing than admitting to anyone that you read this whole article.
  65. Six-Five bottles of beer left on the wall. Well, what did you really expect that this article would get any better than this, this far into the list of reasons?
  66. Sixty-six bottles of beer on the wall. Sixty-six bottles of beer. Take one down and pass it around and….
  67. Finishing off a jawbreaker would be a more productive use of time than reading this article.
  68. Forgetting your own name during a job interview would be less concerning, than telling the interviewer that you read this article that you should not have read, caused your lapse in memory.
  69. Watching an ice cube melt would be more fascinating than watching this article meltdown before your eyes.
  70. If this article were Cracker Jack Toy Prize, it would be an empty wrapper.
  71. If you could read your future in a bowl of Alphabet Cereal, then you would see yourself looking into your bowl of cereal after you remember this article suggesting the idea to you.
  72. Warning: Reading anymore of this article could cause brain damage. Proceed reading this article at your own risk.
  73. You have a better chance of hitting the lottery than gaining anything worthy from reading this article.
  74. If the only reason that you are still reading this article is in hopes that you’ll find a good joke, then your better off watching the Blue Collar Television Show, because this article doesn’t get any better than this.
  75. If this article could be sent up into space, then it would be used as alien toilet paper, so that pretty much sums up the rest of this article.
  76. There is no knock-knock jokes in this article, so what’s the point to reading this anymore.
  77. Quit reading this article before you use up all of this website’s bandwidth and overwhelming the servers.
  78. Speaking of bandwidth, by reading this article you are supporting the waste of valuable bandwidth on the Internet, so take a stand and stop wasting precious bandwidth.
  79. Only nerds read an article like this one this far, so you must be a nerd or you would stop reading this right here.
  80. Watching paint peel is more constructive than reading another reason why you should read another word of this article.
  81. It would be better if you pondered the meaning of life than to waste your life reading this article.
  82. No one would know if you quit reading the article rights here and now, just do not leave a comment below or you’d blow your cover.
  83. This article is only going to get boring from this point, so this would be a great time to quit and get on with your life.
  84. Which cam first, the chicken or the egg? Reading this article will not provide you any answer to this question, so quit wasting your time reading this article.
  85. Turn away right now and you still may have a chance to forget the dreadful word “Article” that is repetitive throughout this article.
  86. This article would put Snow White to sleep, so you are surely getting sleepy by now.
  87. This article is void of anything useful and reading it is void of purpose.
  88. You are what you read; so quit this article before you become a useless waste of taxpayer dollars.
  89. Beggars can’t be choosers, but you are choosing to read this article.
  90. There are no losers among those of you who willfully chose to quit reading this article.
  91. This article could be part of a covert operation to verify who among us will heed numerous reasons why they should not be reading this article and which of us who appear unfazed by the recent events throughout the article so far.
  92. It would be wiser to balance your checkbook than experiencing an unbalanced range emotions from reading this much of the article.
  93. If you continue to read this article you may qualify to ride the short bus to school or to work.
  94. Convicted corporate criminals have spent less time in prison than you have spent reading this article.
  95. If this article were president of the United States, then again that wasn’t a good example.
  96. You are probably feeling awful sorry for yourself for not quitting long before now, but its not too late to quit if you choose.
  97. If you don’t want this worthless article to be stuck in your head forever, then it is advised that you abandon this ship of no return.
  98. You only have yourself to blame if you choose to glance down at the next reason. You can still quit you know!
  99. Intermission. This is your next to the last chance to quit. You still have time unless you have already sneaked a peek at the last remaining two reasons, that is.
  100. You might be a sociopath, because anyone with a conscience would have long quit reading this article, but you stuck in there. Do you feel special?
  101. Why, what did you expect it to say when you reached the 101st reason “Why You Should Not Read This Article”?
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25 Comments

  • Of course this article makes sense. It is a complete waste of your time reading it. Every reason were purposely written to be bad, so that you would stop reading this article that you were warned not to read.

  • Jared at first you where told not to read the article, then why r u complaining?
    Nelson, this actually makes no sense though.

  • Hi Everyone –

    I just recent learned that someone is posing as other Triond authors and leaving rude comments in the comment areas that are in every Triond article and I just removed a comment that wasn\’t left by the real Jared Stenzel.

    Thanks to the real Jared Stenzel for clearing up this issue.

    Anne Lyken-Garner,

    It took 2 1/2 days to write and edit and was a complete waste of time.

    Thanks to everyone who has left comments, but you all know that you have admitted to not following rules by reading this article.

    Nelson Doyle

  • This is the best article i”ve ever read lol, your extremely creative. Good work! I”ve had a lot of laughs reading this. =)

    You should make another one like this, maybe 101 reasons why you should read this article? lol

  • Well Nelson, don”t ask me why but I read every one of your 101 reasons about why not to read this article. I knew it was a waste of time but still I had to read hust one more until I had read them all and you were right. I was a waste of time.

    Very creative though.

  • I would like to thank everyone for leaving comments regarding this article.

    I knew that this article was going to be a waste of time to read and I gave 101 reasons not to read it, but still people feel the need to not not heed the warnings. It reminds me of my youth as my parents would tell me not to do something, but I would do it anyway and I usually learned some valuable lesson from my misdeeds.

    This article was written not to become popular on purpose, but who in their right mind would want to make this article popular. It was written to test a theory that some people will become so curious that they will stop thinking and acting logically, but instead ignore the warning signs and read the article only to learn that the warning signs if heeded would have saved the reader a whole heck of a lot time if they had not read it.

    Nelson Doyle

  • Hi Samuel Z Jones –

    Thank you for reading and leaving a comment for this article.

    As to your question, yes I have considered writing as a career and currently I write mostly web content is the form of articles.

    Triond is my primary online publisher and I would recommend this company to anyone desiring to write for a living. It is very hard work that not only requires you writing fresh content, but also requires a bit of time to dedicate to marketing what you write.

    I still spend a couple of hours per week focused to the marketing side of the business, but I do not do as much since I decided that I would try to write interesting articles, and then if the articles are good enough one of the readers might submit it to a social bookmarking site or something.

    Nelson Doyle

  • haha! I have to admit, i fell for it too and went ahead and read the whole thing. very creative. you”ve proved ur theory to be true. all thinks to ppl like us who”ve read, and also posted a comment as well. ha!

  • Thank you all for leaving comments as it continues to prove my theory correct. Well, at least folks are having fun and that is a good thing.

    Cheers,

    Nelson Doyle

  • hehe, I fell for it too. I just really thought that the next reason was going to be better than the last one. It never got any better.

    Nelson, you accomplished your mission.

  • Why did you write this, Mr. Doyle? I read it all and now I need to slap myself for not getting my work done, because I read this useless crap. You did warn me not to read 101 times, but I still blame you for wasting my time (lol).

  • sounds like one of the most ancient ”hook” to catch a reader by the neck of her/his curiosity. don”t read this, do not read, forbidden, etc. *yawn*

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