A snail trails into a bar, only to be told by the barman that there’s a strict ‘No Snails’ policy – he then kicks him out. A year later the same snail re-appears and says, ”What did you do that for”?
What do you call 1000 rabbits hopping backwards? A receding hare-line
Where do you get virgin wool from? Ugly sheep…
Did you hear about the man who overdosed on too many curries? He went into a Korma…
Two nuns driving are accosted in the middle of the road by a vampire. One nun shouts at the other “Show him your cross, show him your cross!” The other nun leans out the window and shouts “get out the road you toothy-git!”
Paranoid Peter heard that most accidents happen within 2 miles of home – so he moved.
The good news about being middle-aged, is that the glass is still half full. The bad news is that before you know it, your teeth will be floating in it.
Read more in Humor« The Funny Farting Fanny Bank
How many psychotherapists does it take to change a light bulb? It doesn’t matter, the light bulb has got to really want to change.
How many civil servants does it take to change a light bulb? One to change the bulb, 5 to supervise and another 30 to fill out the paperwork.
How many male chauvinists does it take to change a light bulb? None – she can do it when she’s finished washing the dishes.
What do you call a woman you can only see in the distance? Dot.
An old man hobbles painfully into an ice cream parlour and orders an ice cream. “Crushed nuts, grandad”? Asks the sales assistant. “No” replies the old man, “its just rheumatism”.
You know its going to be a bad day when you put your bra on backwards, only to discover it fits better.
What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive and financially secure man? A rumour.
Grow your own dope — plant a man!