A Collection of Murphy’s Laws

Published by in Humor
11th Jan 2013

-Most of the final exam will be based on the lecture you missed and the single book you didn’t read.

-If you are given an open-book exam, you will forget your book.

-If you are given a take-home exam, you will forget where you live.

-When the plane you are on is late, the plane you want to transfer to is on time.

-Any tool when dropped, will roll into the least accessible corner of the workshop.

-On the way to the corner, the probability of the dropped tool first striking your toes is directly proportional to it’s weight.

-When working on a project, if you put away a tool that you’re certain you’re finished with, you will need it instantly.

-Any order that can be misunderstood would be misunderstood.

-If it should exist, it doesn’t.

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-Inside every small problem is a bigger problem eager to get out.

-The remaining work to finish in order to reach your goal increases as the deadline approaches.

-If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire.

-The only things that start on time are those that you’re late for.

-Opportunity always knocks at the least opportune moment.

-In approaching a double door, you will always go to the one door that is locked, pull when you should have pushed, and push when the sign says pull.

-The other line ALWAYS moves faster.

-In any collection of data, the piece of information that is most obviously correct, beyond all doubt, is the mistake.

-When anything goes wrong, any attempts to improve it only makes it worse.

-An object in motion will almost always be heading in the wrong direction.

-An object at rest will be in the wrong place.

-You don’t like the shoes that fit,the ones you like don’t fit.

-When you are served a hot meal aboard an aircraft, the aircraft will encounter turbulence.

-The strength of the turbulence is directly proportional to the temperature of your coffee.

-The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.

-The chance of the bread falling with the butter side down is directly proportional to the value of the carpet.

-The shortest distance between two points is probably under construction.

-If there are two or more ways to do something, and one of those ways can result in a disaster, then make sure someone will do it.

-It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so creative.

-Matter will be damaged in direct proportion to its value.

-Smile, tomorrow will probably be worse.

-The legibility of a copy is inversely proportional to its importance.

-When there is a very long road upon which there is only one way bridge placed at random, and there are ONLY two cars on that road, be sure that: (1) the two cars are going in opposite directions, and (2) they will always meet at the bridge.

-Everything tends to go wrong all at the same time.

-If you need four screws for the job, the first three are always easy to find.

-Negative expectations yield negative results. Positive expectations also yield negative results.

-While driving and if you change lanes, the one you just left will start to move faster than the one you are now in.

-When travelling down the freeway, the first bug to hit a clean windshield will always land directly in front of the driver’s face.

-The longer you wait in line, the greater the likelihood that you are in the wrong line.

-The most delicate objects are always the ones that will be dropped.

-An object will fall so as to do the most damage physically possible.

-Nobody notices when you do anything right.

-People are always available for work in the past tense.

-If your biggest fear is winged spiders,you will probably encounter one.

and finally my favorite,the original Murphy’s law: If anything can go wrong,it will