A Redneck’s Dream About Work
When you work at a place for fifty to sixty hours a week, you start to make little changes. These changes are usually discouraged by your boss or fellow workers. These small changes disturb the daily routine of other workers; this in turn makes them mad. however, if you seriously want to make work more enjoyable, you should make big changes in three areas: the grounds, the break room, and the workstation. Affecting the changes discussed below will create a new daily routine, for which the average worker will be very grateful. Management may take a contract out on you for your trouble though
When you survey the grounds of a typical industrial site, you ordinarily see a gravel parking lot, grass that badly needs mowing, and a chain-link fence. It puts you in mind of a prison doesn’t it? Well, except for the grass, it usually doesn’t need mowing at a prison. To make things a little more appealing, you should add a small recreation building housing an arcade and several bowling lanes. Next you should put up a covered parking garage with a mechanic on duty around the clock. Then you could plant several shade trees and place picnic tables around them.
If you look closer, you see into the break room with its’ plastic chairs and ashtrays around several long cafeteria tables. You also see two beat up vending machines in a corner opposite from an overflowing trashcan. Toss all this stuff. You should get a recliner, coffee table, and a ten-inch TV for each employee. Now you should install new vending machines with beer and beef jerky in them. Finally, you should open a deli counter on one of the walls with its’ own kitchen and candy aisle.
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Now when you squint really hard you can see the employee’s work station with the metal stool and dust everywhere. You can see why they put up with that crummy break room for so long now, cant you? The remedy for this situation is to first provide each employee their very own life-sized full-color cardboard cutout to put in their place when they step away for a cigarette, a drink, or a trip to the toilet. The next step is to provide a padded office chair and verification that you have replaced management’s chair with the employee’s stool (preferably photographic proof). Finally you should build in a clean-up station including a sink, soap, and paper towel dispenser in each workstation. After all you don’t want to go bowling all dirty do you?
Management will fight you on the grounds, in the break rooms, and at the workstations but you should persevere until you get these changes. When you have all the changes in place, you should tell all your friends, make flyers, and write an editorial for the daily paper. Until your happy news comes around, folks will find me constantly dreaming of this blissful workplace. You should punch me or roll me over if I snore too loudly.