WilThe “Space Master 4000″ has long been one of the primary attractions of the Stripped-Down Strip Mall located in peaceful Wilmington, Oregon. Legend has it that instead of a Bucking Frog the forward-thinking builder of the mall went with a space ship themed ride.

Who knew it would tear a town apart in partisan bickering?

“I love the Space Master,” a local four year old proclaimed. “It is so fun! The internalized rewards system my brain develops after complex neurochemical processes occur is just SO fun! It’s so fun!”

Most of the kids polled echoed that sentiment when our staff team was doing research for a write-up on the best attractions for kids in Wilmington.

The Hidden Truth

But we also uncovered a darker side. The Space Master costs a quarter per ride, and this prohibitvly expensive charge usually does its best when controlling the crowds.

That was until Charley Bux, son of the prestigious businessman Daddy Bux moved into town. The stories circulated constantly. One day Charley Bux had a hundred dollar allowance, the next day it was rumored he never played the same video game twice because he had such a great selection.

However Charley treated the other boys with respect and was well liked. Mothers, presumably to attempt to get a slice of his wealth, would invite him to dinner with their children.

One day Charley discovered the Space Master. He liked it, so he rode it again. And again.

“We’ve considered renaming it to ‘Charley’s Little Pony”, a local explains while referring to the boy’s love of the popular TV show My Little Pony.

Parents used to dropping off their kids at the Mall and going out to dinner were met with tearful faces.

“He’s so mean! He never gets off! He must’ve paid a million bucks in quarters by now!”, a local youth intones though tears.

Good Parents Get Involved

Or do they? Charley Bux may have seemed an innocent kid doing what he enjoyed, but it set a town’s emotions off in a powerful way.

Some want to pursue affirmative action and raise prices based on weekly allowances.

Others purport to erase the toll charge and create a policy of sharing.

“That’s Communism!” was the only comment we could pry off of the members of an affirmative action planning committee. Both sides refused to comment past stating “We refuse to comment”. We are not sure whether that is a passive-aggressive denial or an enthusiastic acceptance.

The new rumor about the Buxs’? They might be moving out soon.