Airplane Humor — Funny Statements Pilots Make to Their Passengers While Flying

Flying can be an enjoyable experience for some and a really stressful situation for others.  Pilots and other airplane employees know this well and some will try to lighten the mood by making some funny statements or crack some jokes to ease people’s tensions.  After all, laughter is the best medicine.  Below are a list of some funny statements and jokes made by either pilots or other airplane employees to hopefully put all of the passengers a little more at ease…

“As we prepare for takeoff, please make sure your seat backs and tray tables are in their least comfortable positions.”

“Any passengers caught smoking in the lavatory will be asked to leave the plane immediately.”

“The weather in San Francisco is 61 degrees with some broken clouds but they are working on fixing them before we arrive.”

“Last one off the plane has to clean it.”

“Once again, I’m turning off the seat belt signs.  I am very bored so I think I’ll switch to autopilot and come back and chat with all of you passengers.”

“There may be fifty ways to leave your lover, but there are only four ways off of this plane.”

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Good Morning.  As we leave Dallas, it is warm and the sun is shining.  Unfortunately, we are going to New York where the weather is cold and rainy.  Why in the world would you people want to go there is beyond me.”

“We are pleased to have some of the best flight attendants in the business.  Sorry, but none of them are on this flight, however.”

“Thanks for flying Business Express.  We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride.”

“We ask you to remain seated while Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal.”

“Sorry about the rough landing, folks.  I  just wanted to say that it was not the airline’s fault, nor the pilot’s fault or the flight attendant’s fault, it was, however, the asphalt.”

“Your seat cushions can be used as flotation devices.  In the event of a water landing, please take and keep them as our compliments.”

“To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle and pull tight.  It works just like every other seat belt, and if you don’t know how to operate then you are an idiot.”

“Please turn off your cellular phones, computers, video games or any other electronic device that might interfere with the captain’s pacemaker.”

Upon the landing the plane — “Whoa, big fella, whoa!”

“We have reached our cruising altitude of 30,000 feet.  Feel free to to move about the cabin, but please try and stay inside the plane until we land.  Thank you.”

“As you exit the plane, please gather all of your personal belongings.   Anything left behind will be divided among the airplane’s crew but please do not leave children or spouses.”

4 Comments

  • “We have reached our cruising altitude of 30,000 feet. Feel free to to move about the cabin, but please try and stay inside the plane until we land. Thank you.”

    “As you exit the plane, please gather all of your personal belongings. Anything left behind will be divided among the airplane’s crew but please do not leave children or spouses.”

    saved the best for last lmfao!

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