An Army Ant’s Opinion

Published by in Humor
7th Aug 2008

Hi, my name is Jericho and I know that I didn’t put quotation marks around the words I said because I don’t talk the same way other things do…so I like to be different. And I also know the fact that I’m narrating my self. I’m weird…leave me alone. And I also know what you’re thinking right now… “But, ants can’t write!” well, they can. Humans don’t give us ants enough credit. I mean seriously, we helped the freaking Egyptians build their stupid pyramids for God’s sake! And for all of you stupid peoples out there that couldn’t figure out I was an ant before I said I was…I pity you…you have lower intelligence than the ants Einstein…and he had an IQ of three! Anyways, I’m writing on this piece of paper (Yeah that’s right…we got paper to! We even made it before the freaking Japanese okay…or was it the Chinese?? Who cares!) today and hope that one day a smart human will come around and find it…before he gets eaten alive by all of the army ants who decide to tear him apart, (Yeah you got that right! I’m an army ant, and proud! How would you not know?! I mean…why do you think I have this outrageous temper huh?!) and send it to some large logging company…cause I’m ’bout to whoop up on ‘em! The other day, I heard this odd buzzing noise, so, after the queen gave permission, me and a couple of my buddies, 260,000 to be exact, went to go check it out. It was these stupid humans chopping down our trees! OUR TREES! Not yours, OURS! We were here first, and we would like to stay here. And if you drive us out…we’ll get my cousins the bulldog ants on you….and you REALLY don’t want that do you? So please, I’m asking you nicely, stop cutting down our trees in the rain forest! And if you don’t, me and my 1,570,000 brothers and sisters are gonna have to show you are dark side! Just like them killer bees do when you breathe their air! INSECTS RULE! I’m out.