Recently in the news there was a story about a man who was caught with two pigeons in his trousers. This took place in Australia. Here are ten possible excuses to man should have used for having a pigeon in his trousers:

1. Someone once called me a stool pigeon. As you can plainly see, I am a stool pigeon.
2. They’re not real pigeons. They’re fake pigeons. Touch one if you don’t believe me. Now Gertrude, don’t bite the nice man.
3. I’m using these for my magic act. Watch as I make them disappear.
4. Dang! Now I know how I got poop in my pants. Thanks a lot pigeons!
5. These are my carrier pigeons. I’m using them to carry my luggage.
6. These two pigeons are like aphrodisiacs. You wouldn’t want to mess around with loves first kiss.
7. I won these two pigeons in a card game. I promised that I would take of them. I’m accepting any food donations.
8. I told Gertrude not to build a nest inside my pants. But would Gertrude listen to me? No!
9. These aren’t pigeons. They’re doves. I’m on a peace mission. Please let me pass, and you will be so blessed.
10. Thank you so much. For a moment I thought I had rats in my pants. Thank goodness it was only pigeons. Fly away my precious darlings. You are free.