I’ve written before that my dog hates me.  That didn’t just come about for any reason.  There were things I tried to get him to do he thought were unfair.  One thing I tried to get him to do was go to obedience school.  He gave me signs that he had no intention of completing the class but I was too much of a dullard to pick up on them.  Perhaps I can save you the pain of having your dog hate you by telling you what some of the signs are that your dog is giving you that they dare through going to school.

You know your dog isn’t going to continue obedience school if they write a letter to the school’s owner telling them you are the owner of a flea circus and intend to bring the circus to class next time.

A common drill that is used is for the owners of dogs to run in a circle with their dog on a leash making sure that the dog stays in step with class.  My dog took a dump.  That’s right.  He pooped right in the circle and three owners stepped in it before the circle run was stopped.  The mess was covered with sawdust and I was put in charge of cleaning it up.

Before that my dog would run ahead and sniff the dog ahead of us which would freak it out and cause it to jump in the air.

My dog hired some cats and squirrels to position themselves outside of class and go “na-na-nana-na.”  They then took off with the dogs in hot pursuit.  Many dog owners suffered bruises.

Of course my dog did try to appeal to my softer side by leaving a copy of Hitler’s “Mein Kamph” on top of his leash.

I knew though that he really was having fun embarrassing me.  In other words he really didn’t want a peaceful solution to the situation.

One evening I noticed him and a couple other dogs in a huddle a few feet away from me.  I didn’t put two-and-two together.  His “friends” got into a squabble across the auditorium floor and while they distracted the crowd he quickly pulled me to the refreshment counter which offered wine-based refreshments.  Did I mention that some of my friends from church were in the class?

I should have admitted I was defeated but I followed through and made him graduate—sort of.  And, I suppose that also gave him his ultimate hatred of me.

When we got our diplomas we walked across the stage and had our dogs “sit,” “stay” and “come.”

When it came to my pet’s turn he jumped around like playful puppy the whole time.  They gave me the diploma but three days later I got a letter in the mail that had a copy of the diploma stamped “Null and Void.”

All these years now my dog has hated me.  If I had just listened to him I would have a loyal pet instead of a sworn enemy.

No Thanks!  “Na-na-nana-na!”

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