My husband and I have spent a small fortune in cat toys.  In fact, it probably would have been a good idea to first buy stock in these companies before bringing home things that WE felt Noodleman and SpiceGirl would LOVE…because we might have recouped at least a little of the money that ended up being wasted on toys that have been shoved under bureaus, deserted in the basement, or left to gather dust in the corners of the back bedroom!

Only two store-bought toys were ever a ’success’…Noodleman’s fake fur mouse, and a small plush bird that chirps when moved as long as we remember to keep replacing its’ batteries!  Everything else has been ‘homemade’…by our cats! 

This past Saturday must have been Toy Marathon Day for our fuzzy duo because the shenanigans started as soon as Mike and I woke up.  Swinging my legs over the side of the bed, I stood…and stepped on a bottlecap!

“For cryin’ out loud!” I gasped as I yanked my foot up and sat back down on top of  the covers.

“What’s the matter?” my husband asked concernedly as he came around the foot of the bed.

I looked down at the floor.  “A bottlecap!  Someone put a bottlecap right where I step!”

“Well, it wasn’t me, Baby”.  He peered closer at the offending piece of plastic.  “Looks like it came off of a lemonade bottle…that means it’s yours, my dear”.  Chuckling, Mike meandered down the hall towards the bathroom.

“Yeah…maybe so…but I didn’t put it there!” I called after him.  Then, looking around, I muttered, “but I’ll bet I know who did.”

SpiceGirl is the only one I know who has an affinity for bottlecaps.  Big, small, plastic, metal, blue, red, green…none of this matters.  If it’s a cap and it’s in this house, it’s HERS!

Sure enough…as soon as I reached down to pick up the bottlecap, a small white paw shot out from under the bed in an attempt to get there first! Snagging it right out from under my hand, paw and bottlecap disappeared beneath the boxspring!

“Ah HA!” I exclaimed while getting down on my hands and knees to confront the culprit.  There at the bed’s edge were two wide golden eyes staring back at me…and one guilty paw still clutching the  bottlecap.

“I KNEW it had to be you, you little imp!”  Touseling her furry head with my hand,  I sternly instructed SpiceGirl to ”stop leaving your bottlecaps around where they can get stepped on!”   She simply licked my hand, pulled the cap closer to her, picked it up in her mouth, and then came out from under the bed…all the while looking as innocent as a lamb.

“Will you stop playing with the cats and come get your tea?!” my husband impatiently called out to me. 

“Yeess, Love Of My Life,”  I replied in a syrupy-sweet voice.  Then I looked down at SpiceGirl.  “Yeah…playing with the cats…right!”  Throwing my robe on, I headed for the kitchen while SpiceGirl and her coveted bottlecap took off for the back bedroom.  However, as soon as I crossed the threshhold my right toe hit something hard and sent it rolling across the floor.

“Be careful,” my husband cautioned.  “I’ve counted two batteries so far that I’ve almost slipped on!”

“Where’d the batteries come from?” I asked while stepping gingerly across the kitchen to get to my tea.

“I was wondering the same thing until I looked over and saw the junk drawer still open from last night…when YOU were looking for a twist tie for the bread!”

Ooookay…I knew that I was on the losing end of THIS stick!  As a retort, I simply became very interested in stirring my tea.

“You’re not going to deny it?” Mike smirked.

“Nope…I think “oops” pretty much covers it!”

SpiceGirl may be only seven months old right now…but she is a very TALENTED seven month old kitty with one of her talents being that when she spies a kitchen drawer that’s not quite closed, she is able to stand on the countertop and probe that drawer open just enough to stick her head down into it…and take out whatever suits her fancy!

The drawer she likes best, of course, is the Junk Drawer…and the ‘toy’ she most likes to roll across the floor is a Double-A battery!  To SpiceGirl, the only thing better than a Double-A battery is TWO Double-A batteries!

Later on that morning while Mike and I were lounging around watching tv,  we suddenly heard the rustle of plastic coming from the hallway.  Oh no…not the paper towels!

Mike jumped up and hurried over to the hall closet’s door, opened it wide, and found Noodleman surrounded by several pieces of ripped plastic, and a roll of paper towels pulled almost halfway out of it’s package.

“NOODLEMAN!” Mike admonished him.  “Just what do you think you’re DOING  in here?!”

Having followed behind my husband, I heard this and smiled.   ”I think he’s in there trying to shred paper, Honey, since someone who shall remain nameless didn’t close this door all the way after being in there earlier!”

Reaching down to pick up a squirming cat who just wanted to be left alone with his prize, Mike replied, “If you think this evens up the score with the junk drawer this morning, well, it won’t.”  Turning around and placing a squirming Noodleman into my arms, Mike smiled and started walking back into the living room.  “I may forget to do something once in a while,” he shot over his shoulder, “but you, my Love, are the Queen of Forgetfulness!”

“The dishwasher incident last weekend doesn’t count!  To forget something means that you have to know about it first, and how could I have known that SpiceGirl was laying down inside the tub?”

As Mike settled himself back into his chair, he looked up at me with widened eyes..

“You kept trying to push the rack of dirty dishes over her!”

“No I did not!  I was trying to push the rack of dirty dishes past a bump that I thought was just the racks’ not staying on it’s track!!”

“No rack is going to stay on it’s track if there’s a CAT in the way!!”

At this point, Noodleman decided that if he was ever going to get all four feet back on the ground again, he’d have to take matters into his own…paw.  So he made a grab for the chain around my neck, hooking a nail into one of its’ links and snagging my attention!

“No, no, no, no, Noodleman!”  I gasped while quickly disengaging his claw and then lowering him down to the rug.

Noodleman promptly took off for the back hallway, and the sound of his running down the stairs to the basement was obviously overheard by SpiceGirl because, a moment later, a little white furball streaked right by me and followed in Noodleman’s wake.. 

That afternoon while cleaning up the kitchen, I was joined at the sink by a curious little cat who heard the faucet running.

“SpiceGirl, leave the water alone!”  I said in exasperation as a paw started to dip into the rinse water.

Knowing that words alone wouldn’t deter her from having fun at my…and the dishes’…expense, I dried my hands on a nearby towel, and then picked SpiceGirl up from her perch.  Once she was on the floor again, she ran over to a blue plastic bread tie and started batting it around.

A moment later there were TWO kitties batting that bread tie back and forth all over the kitchen floor, pouncing on top of each other, and doing a lot of pushing and shoving to be Top Cat.  I felt as though I was watching the feline version of a hockey game!

A short while later Mike entered the kitchen on his way to the refrigerator, and was almost bowled over when this bread tie flew between his feet…followed by both cats at the same time!  Watching my husband suddenly juggle his mug, his footing, and a few choice words quickly selected for this occasion, I had to give him credit for being so multi-talented!

“For cryin’ out loud!!” Mike sputtered, watching the cats continue their pouncing around in the living room.  ”It’s like taking your life in your hands whenever you go anywhere around here!”

After supper, Mike and I settled down once again in the living room.  “You know, Honey,” I began.  “It was so nice to have just one day when we didn’t have to go anywhere or do anything!”

“Yeah.  The most we had to do today was just lay around and….”  Thud!  Crack…crack!  Rustle…flutter…snap…roll!  Both of us quickly looked over at the kitchen entranceway.

There, on top of the refrigerator, was a black tail swinging back and forth while, on the floor, a feline imp was busily pushing a pair of safety glasses out from under the rubble of papers, keys, pens, and a roll of scotch tape that used to be where Noodleman was now standing!

“For God’s sake,” I grumbled while getting up out of my chair.  “You’d think they’d have run out of energy by now!”

Walking over to the refrigerator, I stopped and looked up at Noodleman who was peering down innocently at me.

“Okay, you brat…you know you’re not supposed to be up there!”  Reaching for him, I watched as he danced a few inches out of my reach.  “Oh no you don’t!  Get right back over here, Mister!” 

Mike called from the other room, “Having a little trouble reaching him, Baby?”  Snicker, snicker.

Ignoring him, I tried to fake Noodleman out by crouching down a little in order to look less tall…or more short…so he’d come back to the edge of the appliance top.  Sure enough, it worked!  I lunged upward to grab him…and felt his fur slip between my fingers, leaving me holding nothing but air. 

Sighing, I muttered to myself, “Okay, Buster.  We can do this the easy way or the hard way…” and reached around the side of the refrigerator for The Broom!

Scuttle…jump…thud…jump…Noodleman leapt off the refrigerator to the nearby countertop, and then onto the floor where he then disappeared down the back hallway.  SpiceGirl simply looked up as he sped past her, and then continued to bat Mike’s safety glasses around unconcernedly.

Shaking my head while attempting to remember all the reasons why we had decided to become cat owners in the first place, I calmly approached SpiceGirl who, taking one look at me, tore off in the same direction that Noodleman had taken a moment earlier.

Picking up the safety glasses, I was puzzled about SpiceGirls’ action…until I remembered that I was still clutching the broom in one hand.  Chuckling to myself, I picked up all of the fallen items, placed them back on top of the refrigerator, and then put the broom back into its’ designated spot. 

“You know, Honey,” I said upon reentering the living room. ” You’d think that I beat those two endlessly with that broom, the way they always take off whenever it’s in plain sight!”

“Well, you DO make a lot of noise with it, beating it on the floor and all.”

“Yeah, but that’s just noise.”

“And you’ve also tried to sweep them out of the way a few times…”

“That, my love, was SURVIVAL!”

Later on when finally in bed, the peace and quiet that filled the household had lulled me almost completely to sleep when I suddenly heard something being batted around in the other room. “What’s that?”  Mike sleepily whispered over to me.

“It’s just my shoes, Baby.  Go back to sleep.  It’s nothing that can hurt them.”

“Is SpiceGirl there?”

“I guess so.  Why?”

“Have you forgotton how much SpiceGirl LOVES SHOELACES?”

Oops! Quickly tossing the covers off of me,  I stood up…

…and stepped on Noodleman’s mouse!