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My Dog is So Stupid

Published by B.S. Magoulas in Animal
July 11th, 2009

A humorous essay on the stupidity of a dog.


Image: FreeDigitalPhotos.net

I love my dog. He always up for doing anything, he growls at strangers and loves me unconditionally, but boy is he dumb. I mean, he’s stupid. Not quite as dumb as a mud fence, but close…very close. He’s certainly dumber than most of the children I know and they all eat their boogers. Here’s some proof.

  • My dog is so stupid he chews rocks.
  • My dog is so stupid he likes smelling other dog’s butts.
  • My dog is so stupid he barks at water when he swims.
  • My dog is so stupid that when the leash comes out of my hand, he thinks it’s a creature that’s gotten hold of his neck and won’t let go.
  • My dog is so stupid he eats vomit.
  • My dog is so stupid he still tries to eat the toad, even though his mouth has started foaming from toxins.
  • My dog is so stupid he growls at his fleas.
  • My dog is so stupid he eats out of the litter box .
  • My dog is so stupid he drinks out of the toilet.
  • My dog is so stupid he digs without purpose.
  • My dog is so stupid he doesn’t even miss his testicles.
  • My dog is so stupid he thinks the Monkees preceded the Beatles because they were called the “prefab four.”
  • My dog is so stupid he takes up with random bitches.
  • My dog is so stupid he mates with the swing in the backyard.
  • My dog is so stupid he lifts his leg to poop.
  • My dog is so stupid he thinks he’s smart.
  • My dog is so stupid he pees when there’s nothing left to pee.
  • My dog is so stupid he makes the cat look like Stephen Hawking.
  • My dog is so stupid he licks my dirty feet.
  • My dog is so stupid he chases wasps and skunks.
  • My dog is so stupid he thinks his ball is alive.
  • My dog is so stupid he doesn’t know I blame him my flatulence.
  • My dog is so stupid he almost bought a Segue scooter.
  • My dog is so stupid he thinks I love the cat more.

  How dumb is your idiot, I mean dog? I welcome your stupid comments, but please don’t tell me your dog is smart. It makes you sound like a moron.

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