There are about eight species of Horned Lizards living in the U.S., and a couple more that sneak across the Mexican and Canadian borders from time to time. All these little lizards are commonly known as Horny Toads.

I’m a Texan. And it just so happens that the Texas Horny Toad is very endangered.

In a 75 gallon aquarium, in a prominent place of honor in my living room, I had a colony of Desert Horned Lizards for 2 years. Well, Fall was coming and I knew my lizards mandatory morsels, live Harvester Ants, were going to become scarce again. I decided to sell my lizards.

My buyer from N.Y. cheerfully paid for the overnight Express shipping I require for all live animals, and we were all set.

I was nervous about sending my babies off into the wild, blue yonder, so at my local post office the next day I was more talkative than usual. The conversation began the same as always. “I need to overnight these reptiles, please.” The counter person (CP) says, “We don’t ship animals, sorry.” “Yes you do” I tell her, “It’s in your regulation manual. Small, cold-blooded, harmless reptiles,” I quoted what I remembered from the last time I went through this.

CP gets out the 30 pound manual and turns to page one. “It’s back there,” I say, pointing toward the back of the loose leaf binder. After a few moments she finds the regulation, reads it, and calls for backup.

After the group of CP’s read the regulation, look at me like I conjured it up, and begin to disperse, one says, “I’d better call FT Worth and check.”

During his phone call I made my fatal error. The original CP asks, “What kind of reptiles are they?” as she eyes the box suspiciously. “Oh, just some little horny toads,” I replied innocently, “Nothing dangerous.”

Shortly thereafter, they took my money and my lizards, smiled, apologized for the delay, and off I went.

At home I entered through the patio door to the sound of the phone ringing. A man on the other end introduced himself as an officer with the Texas Department of Fish and Wildlife. He told me I had been reported for trying to transport endangered Texas Horny Toads out of the state. He also informed me of the penalties for holding, keeping, collecting, and selling Texas Horny Toads.

I explained that MY Horned Lizards were Desert Horned Toads, (Phrynosoma platyrhinos), not Texas Horned Toads, (P. cornutum). He then stated that he had never heard of more than one type of Horny Toad. “And you work where?” I asked, past trying to keep the sarcasm out of my voice.

Then I had a terrible thought, “Where are my lizards?” I asked him.

The officer informed me they are in the custody of the cities’ animal control officers. In other words, my babies were at the dog pound. Since I knew they wouldn’t last long on kibble, I quickly tried to resolve the issue.

After I directed him to a website that had pictures and descriptions of the different species of Horned Lizards, he called the animal control officers and advised them to return my animals.

In about an hour the animal control officer arrived and came inside to make sure I had proper accommodations for my lizards. I put my lizards back in their tank while she watched, and turned on their UV bulb. Satisfied, she left.

The following morning I repackaged the little Horned Lizards and returned to the post office.

At the other end of the counter there was a conversation about a probable poacher trying to ship out Texas Horny Toads yesterday. I smiled as the counter person handed me the change from a twenty and said, “Have a nice day.”