As everyone would like to have their own friendly deep sea giant, a giant squid is not always the simplest of creatures to train. They are large animals capable of great feats, which make them even more desirable to the general public. When training one of these creatures that have been mistaken in the past as sea serpents, dragons and other mystical creatures known to sink ships and bring sailors to their death, it is best to remember the acronym NOPOP. NOPOP is a safe five step guide to having a successful relationship with your giant squid.

First we come to N. It is the fourteenth letter in the alphabet and in the case of NOPOP stands for name. A good trainer should name their giant squid something appropriate. A name such as ‘princess’ may offend the male species and result in the removal of one or more of your appendages, depending on your giant squid’s personality. In fact, it is best to avoid any sort of royal name like Charles, Henry, and Elizabeth. The giant squids have their own beloved royal family deep in the sea, and they easily take offense.

The next letter in NOPOP is the first O. This O stands for the phrase “Oh no!” This is a very essential step that you as a trainer must learn. Never say “Oh no!” as your giant squid destroys your home or goes on a rampage. Simply run away. The brief second you save by not saying “Oh no!” may in fact save your life.

P is the next letter. It stands for penguin. After your giant squid does as you ask, it is always best to reward them with their favorite treat: a penguin. Oftentimes trainers give their giant squid too many penguins and the squid becomes spoiled. A spoiled giant squid makes life unhappy for the trainer. Also, emperor penguins give giant squids gas. Avoid giving them emperor penguins at all cost.

The second O in NOPOP refers to “odor.” A clean environment for your giant squids results in extending the life of your pet by extending your own by making him happy. Be sure that the debris from sunken ships and the bones from late night snacks do not build up and cause a nasty odor, else you may be added to that pile.

The final P stands for love. While you may be wondering how a P stands for love, simply go through these related ideas in your mind. P for pharaoh, pharaohs ruled Egypt, Egyptians worshipped cats, and your great aunt Bethany loves cats. Love. Show plenty of love to your giant squid by petting him every day as he grows older. Be sure he likes you or instead of learning tricks, he may simply eat you.

NOPOP, the easy way to training your giant squid!