Ant-apology

Published by in Humor
4th Apr 2012

It was a cold winter’ s morning, and I was doing nothing particular for no particular reason, which was particularly strange…
But strange as that could ever have been, nothing could ever compare in strangeness like what happened that day. On that particular non-particular day, I felt something particularly odd. If I could be slightly more particular; it felt as though something was watching me.
I’ve never really had a stalker…no wait…I had one once, he kept sending me Please-Call-Me’s… I’m not quite sure if I was supposed to phone him so that he could tell me: “I know what you did last summer”; which would’ve been great, because I was so drunk; even I don’t know what I did!
But this time, it was real. It was an obsession that would last for ages; an obsession which lead to so many lives being destructed…
It all began when I heard a noise in the kitchen, it was a noise which I have heard many times before…but this time was somewhat strange. In the kitchen I saw something which horrified me, a sight I would never forget! As I entered the destination reserved for consumption of food, I saw him looking blankly into my eyes. It was as if My arrival hadn’t even startled him. He was cold and black, I was too scared to move, not knowing what would happen.
Sure, he was an ant, but I didn’t know from which colony, or how many friends he had just waiting to attack. So, I did what any rational person would do in such a situation: I turned around, and pretended I saw nothing! 
I got out of the house as fast as I could, and hurried to work. Upon arrival I was still a bit startled, but soon I had forgotten about this horrible ordeal. But it would not be long before he would find me. He was on my desk, pretending to look for breadcrumbs, but I knew exactly what he was up to…
I tried to stay calm, so I pretended that I could not see him and continued typing as if nothing happened. It was then when my boss came into my office with a document he wanted me to sign. As he sat down I saw his beady little eyes noticing that I had company. I tried to stop him, but his finger swooped the table, instantly compressing the ant’s body into a tiny little speck of intestines. “I’ll get someone to fumigate your office”, he said reassuringly; and I could see in his eyes that he knew what I had been through.
It was all over. Silence swept my office, and I suddenly felt relieved and safe. He was gone. He was burning in ant hell, or wherever bad ants go to… 
But my calmness  did not last long; as I knew that next to my post box was a colony of millions of soldiers, just waiting for revenge… I can only hope that soon the post-colonialism will end. 
I live now in fear.