Are You More Popular Than a Fifth Grader?

Published by in Humor
18th Sep 2010

Are you more popular than a fifth grader?

Yes, there we said it. It’s time that some people stood up, and accepted the fact that, hey, popularity isn’t one of their most attractive features. However, we’re here to help you.  After you read this short but intellectually stimulating guide on ten ways to make you popular, you’ll be on your way to success. Hitting the clubs by night with sexy girls, or getting that hottie by the bar to buy you a drink. You might be considering options at this point, whether to drag your eyes away from this piece of miraculous information or to keep your eyes glued and take your risks. Take a risk, whoever you are, because this might just change your life.

Step One: You know that thing on your face, called your mouth? Use it. 

And no, we don’t mean start eating the face of the next human being that walks by. We mean smile, for the love of humanity. You do realize, that a thousand watt bulb on your face makes you somewhat attractive, right? Don’t attempt to try one of those sexy smiles.

You might be thinking wtf. You might be thinking “I already doooo have a sexy smile girl!”. You might be thinking that you need to beat the shit out of us if you ever meet us. But hey, save it till after you finish reading. It get’s worse. 

Smiling is the only way to get a person’s attention. It shows that you want to know them. It shows that you care. And it also shows that your better than them. By proving that? You got it covered and they’ll all come behind you like a bunch of virgin boys after a hooker.

Read more in Humor« Weird and Wonderful Facts: 10 to Get You StartedLife’s Like That: Spice Up »

Step Two: Walk down the aisle in your supermarket labeled personal hygiene and buy everything.

We’re actually joking with this one. Not. You might be the hottest thing alive but if you smell like that moldy bread in your refrigerator then people are gonna want to run as far away are possible. Long showers and personal hygeine are important to be popular. Discover scented soap. Deodarant. Face wash. Tissues. And soon you’ll be down that aisle buying something a lot more fun. Condoms.

Hey, proven fact. The better you smell, the more you have sex. So all you guys out there who head to soccer practice and then leave your deodarant in the car? Stay away. Same goes for you athletic girls. Smell good, and people are want to grab you. And just for once, it might not be to put your head down the toilet.

Step Three: Dress like you care. You know those moth hole jeans and your teddy bear shirt? Do something so that you never wear them again. Like pee on them.

Dressing’s  the key to success. You know why people are popular? Cause they know how to dress. Doesn’t mean you raid your sister’s closet and steal everything in sight. Take a break and determine your style, preppy, or whatever it is. Just keep it out of the suicidal-wierdo-mouth-breather range. 

So take a day off and burn those baggy tshirts and havannahs. Everyone will thank you for it. And while your off, you might as well climb into your neighbors room and burn all of his shit too. Hey, you’re doing social service aren’t you?

So for all you people out there and decided to take our advice. Please do. You might be preventing the third world war. Check out more of our awsomeness in the next article. And for your own sake, don’t make that the highlight of your week. 

Peace guys.