Best Jokes on Sickipedia

Published by in Humor
12th Sep 2011
Statistically… 9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape.    

 by  in  –  (+ ) – Added: 3 years, 10 months ago – Current Score: 28,107

A man goes into a library and asks for a book on suicide.

The librarian says; “Fuck off, you won’t bring it back.”

   

 by  in  –  (+ ) – Added: 4 years, 2 months ago – Current Score: 21,947.8

A man was walking his dog through the graveyard when he saw another man crouching behind a gravestone.

“Morning!” he said.

The other man replies, “No, just having a shit.”

   

 by  in  –  – Added: 4 years, 3 months ago – Current Score: 12,631.8

So here I am in the Internet Cafe with the biggest fucking nigger I’ve ever seen reading every word I ty    

 by  in  –  – Added: 2 years, 3 months ago – Current Score: 11,830

This morning on the way to work I drove into the back of a car, at some lights, whilst not really paying attention.

The driver got out and he was a dwarf.

He said, “I’m not happy.”

I replied, “Well, which one are you then?”

   

 by  in  –  – Added: 4 years, 3 months ago – Current Score: 10,582.4

This is for you, Sarah:

Why do you condemn Sickipedia and say it is only sick and twisted people who post jokes here, yet drink Lambrini and laugh hysterically at equally offensive jokes on ‘Mock the Week’ when your friends are round the flat?

You are a total cunt. Pack your bags tonight and fuck off. It’s over.

   

 by  in  –  (+ ) – Added: 3 years, 0 months ago – Current Score: 10,312.8

Statistically 9/11 Americans won’t get this.    

 by  in  –  (+ ) – Added: 2 years, 7 months ago – Current Score: 9,546

What’s black and doesn’t work?

Half of London.

   

 by  in  –  – Added: 3 years, 10 months ago – Current Score: 9,272.8

I’m not racist. Racism is a crime and crime is for black people.    

 by  in  –  (+ ) – Added: 3 years, 4 months ago – Current Score: 8,993

A woman brings eight-year-old Johnny home and tells his mother that he was caught playing doctors and nurses with Mary, her eight-year-old daughter.

Johnny’s mother says, “Let’s not be too harsh on them… they are bound to be curious about sex at that age.”

“Curious about sex?” replies Mary’s mother. “He’s taken her fucking appendix out!”

   
Ah, it’s the time of day when all the American inbred retards swarm the site and think, “Don’t get that. Must be crap. Vote it down, down, down.”

I have visited American so-called ‘Sick Joke’ sites and the wankers actually apologise after posting a sick joke! Strange how they find sick jokes offensive, but don’t mind bombing the fuck out of innocent human beings (us British included)!

Well, here’s a little friendly fire for all you God-fearing, nappy-wearing, sister-shagging retards:

Fuck off and find a knock-knock joke site. That will be much more to your shandy-drinking style, I think.

   

 by  in  –  – Added: 3 years, 4 months ago – Current Score: 7,969

What do you do if you come across a tiger in the Jungle? 

Wipe it off and apologise.

   

 by  in  –  – Added: 4 years, 3 months ago – Current Score: 7,843

I was raping a woman the other night and she cried, “Please, think of my children!”

Kinky bitch.

   

 by  in  –  (+ ) – Added: 1 year, 11 months ago – Current Score: 7,459.6

How does every Black joke start?

By looking over your shoulder!

   

 by  in  –  – Added: 3 years, 7 months ago – Current Score: 7,138.8

An elderly British gentleman of 83 arrived in Paris by plane.

At the French immigration desk, the man took a few minutes to locate his passport in his carry-on bag. 

“You have been to France before, Monsieur?” the Immigration officer asked, sarcastically.

The elderly gentleman admitted he had been to France previously.

“Then you should know well enough to have your passport ready.”

The British gentleman says, “The last time I was here, I didn’t have to show it.”

“Impossible. The British always have to show their passports on arrival in France!”

The elderly gentleman gave the French Immigration Officer a long hard look.

Then he quietly explained;

“Well, the last time I was here, I came ashore on Juno Beach on D-Day in June 1944, and I couldn’t find any fucking Frenchmen to show it to.”

   

 by  in  –  – Added: 3 years, 7 months ago – Current Score: 6,925

I’m American, and I’m sick of people saying America is “the stupidest country in the world.”

Personally, I think Europe is the stupidest country in the world.

   

 by  in  –  – Added: 2 years, 5 months ago – Current Score: 6,677.6

I’m Josef Fritzl and no windows was my idea.    

Read more in Humor« Jokes, The Spice From HeavenTop Five Ways You Know You’re Headed Towards The “Friend Zone” »

 by  in  –  (+ ) – Added: 1 year, 9 months ago – Current Score: 6,643.6

Why don’t black people go on cruises?

They’re not falling for that one again.

   

 by  in  –  – Added: 4 years, 2 months ago – Current Score: 6,609.8

My job is so fucking unbelievable. I’ll try to sum it up by first telling you about the folks I work with:

First, there is this supermodel wanna-be chick. Yeah, okay, she is pretty hot, but damn is she completely useless.
The girl is constantly fixing her hair or putting on make-up.
She is extremely self-centred and has never once considered the needs or wants of anyone but herself.
She is as dumb as a box of rocks, and I still find it surprising that she has enough brain power to continue to breathe.

The next chick is completely the opposite. She might even be one of the smartest people on the planet.
Her career opportunities are endless, and yet she is here with us. She is a zero on a scale of 1 to 10.
I’m not sure she even showers, much less shaves her “womanly” parts.
I think she might be a lesbian, because every time we drive by the hardware store she moans like a cat in heat.

But the jewel in the crown has got to be the fucking stoner. And this guy is more than just your average pothead.
In fact, he is baked before he comes to work, during work, and I’m sure after work.
He probably hasn’t been sober any time in the last ten years, and he’s only 22.
He dresses like a beatnik throwback from the 1960’s, and to make things worse, he brings his big fucking dog to work.
Every fucking day I have to look at this huge Great Dane walk around half-stoned from the second-hand smoke.
Hell, sometimes I even think it’s trying to talk with its constant bellowing.
Also, both of them are constantly hungry, requiring multiple stops to McDonald’s and Burger King, every single fucking day.

Anyway, I drive these fucktards around in my van and we solve mysteries and shit.

   

 by  in  –  – Added: 2 years, 1 month ago – Current Score: 6,571.8

A pub landlord is shutting up for the night when there is a knock at the door. When he answers, a Tramp asks him for a tooth-pick. He gives him the toothpick and the tramp goes off.

A few minutes later there is a second knock. When he answers, there is a second Tramp who also asks for a toothpick. He gets his toothpick and off he goes.

There is a third knock at the door, and a third Tramp. The landlord says, “Don’t tell me, you want a toothpick too.”

“No, a straw,” says the Tramp.

The landlord gives him a straw but is curious as to why he wants it, so he asks the Tramp why he wants a straw and not a toothpick.

To which the Tramp replies, “Some bloke just threw up outside but all the good stuff’s gone already”.