Bojack’s Crunchy Egg Surprise

Published by in Humor
14th Mar 2010

Image via Wikipedia

Ingredients

  • Dial anti-bacterial soap
  • A non stick frying pan
  • A mismatched lid that is bigger than the pan
  • Anything resistant to heat but strong enough to crush egg sheels (I prefer an empty Prego bottle with matching lid,with the lid secured.
  • Something to scrape with, a putty knife, a razor scraper, a gasket scraper, or one of those flat things people use when making sunny side up eggs.
  • A medical doctor
  • A mental health professional
  • A gurney
  • An automatic transmission funnel
  • A working telephone, cell phone or land line phone at the far end of the house
  • 12 oz. cooking oil
  • One pint Long Island Iced Tea
  • Four large fire extuinghers
  • Pot Holders
  • Eight to twelve raw large AA eggs
  • A Fireman approved Model Farenheight 451 oxygen mask and face shield
  • Fire retardant Nascar approved fire suit
  • Once suit is on you are now ready to begin.
  • Wash hands with the anti bacterial soap, now you are ready to start cooking!!
  1. Method

  2. Place all the eggs in the pan, shell and all
  3. Start smashing the shells with the palms of your hands or knuckles,whichever you prefer,next,turn the Prego bottle upside down and keep crushing till fine or to your desired level of crunchiness, careful not to splatter the egg juice everywhere.
  4. Turn the heat on high and place cover on. Wait ten minutes or until black smoke is billowing out of the pan or the fire alarm is going off, if this happens, just pull the battery out and toss it somewhere.
  5. Next, put on the protective oxygen mask and pour the oil slowly into the automatic transmission funnel. Next is the most dangerous step. Pour the Long Island iced tea into a cup,hold the lid close, dump in the cup and quickly replace the lid. If you are lucky the combination has not exploded, your chances for survival just increased tenfold. After ten more minutes, remove from heat. Let cool for another 15 minutes, the alcohol has now soaked into the concotion,and the cooking oil will help the egg shells from damaging your esophagous and the inner lining of your stomach as well as your digestive tract.
  6. Now drain off the excess fluids,scrape the crunchy egg mix into a large bowl.
  7. Enjoy, crunch away and if the stomach begins ti hurt let the doctor know so he can pump your stomach. The mental health professional can talk you thorugh this process. Be happy the oil didn’t explode, this dish has about a 50% chance of destroying your home and your insides,but it is a favorite dish for terrorists,Somali pirates and works great for hangovers, and a must for people who just enjoy crunchy yet flavorful food. It also doubles as a great cure for constipation, and this enticing dish is perfect for when the in laws visit and a great breakfast for that annoying  kid your child invites over to spend the night.
  8. This dish  is common in the Necrophilia Islands, just south of Narnia. Enjoy and happy crunching folks.

God Bless, Chef Bo Jack

P.S., feel free to visit The Bo Jack School Of Cooking, at our regular website, or visit Bo Jack Express International Foods, and search our wide variety of foods and repellents few have ever heard of, you’ll be amazed, and please tell your friends about us.

  • denus

    looks yummy i might have to try ;)

  • Tusaani

    Great idea. Though for those without anti-bacterial soap, let me just add that acid is also a suitable alternative.

  • Joshua Miguel

    Just like Denus, i think i will try this recipe also. lol :)

  • Betty Carew

    Very creative Bo lol Great article

  • Anne McNew

    great idea

  • lindalulu

    OMG…this is the most hysterical recipe I have ever read! I was rolling on the floor in my office the folks around me think I am nuts anyways so they didn’t say much. I think I could use one of those mental health professionals!!!! Its been stumbled!!!

  • PR Mace

    My friend, you are out of your mind but I loved it. Can we eat it on the pirate ship?

  • Monica Sappleton

    looks like your wife has gotten herself a cook here. Yummy
    Monica

  • Karen Gross

    I would love to try this recipe tonight, but I’m all out of eggs. Do you think it would still work with powdered eggs?

  • Lee Altman

    I might even try this

  • Bo Jack Russo

    Karen NONONO!! do not deviate from the recipe,the ph balance in the eggs helps lessen the chance of explosion. Powered eggs will almost certainly cause the oil to ignite!!!
    But it is a good idea to share the recipe and deviate from it for people you don’t like very much.

  • Sam Finch

    I tried this once. The fire department was alerted somehow by satellite, as the thermal imaging on my stovetop hit ludicrous proportions. They tried to talk me out of eating it through my flimsy, chained apartment door.
    But I ate it anyway.
    Then they tackled me.

  • FOREVER POETRY

    I DON’T THINK I WILL BE HAVING YOU CATER ANY OF MY AFFAIRS ANYTIME SOON.

  • Catelin Hoover

    Bo
    I am sorry I am unable to make decent comment on this wonderful article, but I am laughing too hard. However I will try to say, I applaud your humor and will pray for your cooking talents. Your reciepe is certainly one to set before those you worship and adore…burnt offerings are truly the height of admiration and appreciation. (I had made another comment but I think it must have gotten lost in the smoke.

  • Kate Smedley

    Absolutely hilarious, great stuff, had me laughing out loud!

  • MJPatrick

    LMAO…you just made my tummy ache with laughter. Reallllllllllly funny!

  • Jasmine Grotte

    My family swears you inspired my famous stir-fry! But I think yours sounds yummier!!

  • Iva Carter

    Just what I needed – comic relief! And since I need some more, I am moving on to your other submissions. Hey, I just noticed that under your Portfolio, there is “Fire Burns at Night,” “Burning Sunset,” then “Bojack’s Crunchy Egg Suprise,”—at what age did pyromania set in? Your writing is a delight to my day, thank you Bojack!

  • eddiego65

    Absolutely funny! Thanks for the great laugh!

  • Jo Oliver

    LOL LOL LOL

    But, I think I will skip all the step aside from pouring the One pint Long Island Iced Tea into a glass.

  • Duff D Moss

    The more I know you – the more I think we are kin you mad man :-) . I think one of your ingredients was wrong:

    A mental health professional – should that be a mental professional ;-)

  • Lauren Axelrod

    Mmm, just what I need, a huge pan of colon cleansing food. lol

  • Juancav

    Great funny stuff of this recipe.

  • DA Cournean

    oooh. I think I have to visit the little girl’s room! I think I should have drank the tea instead of mixing with eggs and shells.
    Great one Bo Jack!

  • Glassie

    FAB!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • Annie Hintsala

    I think my husband makes this same recipe, though his oxygen mask might be slightly different. Very funy!

  • Monica Sappleton

    This is real fun food. Very funny.
    Monica.

  • Denise Kawaii

    I’ll have to give this a try this weekend… I’m sure my husband will love it!

  • Westbrook

    A he-man meal.

  • nutuba

    Aren’t you concerned about the cholesterol?
    :-)

  • nutuba

    An amendment to the earlier comment … I think this would taste a whole lot better if you used free range chicken eggs! That, and perhaps a touch of tabasco sauce. In fact, make a pot of grits (with gouda cheese) on the side. Mmm mmm. What time is breakfast? I like my coffee black.

  • nutuba

    An amendment to the amendment to the amendment: You know, if you separated the egg whites from the egg yolks, and then beat the egg whites (I know, our society doesn’t allow us to beat baby white seals (and I agree with that, actually), but we can still beat the egg whites) and put them (the egg whites, not the seals) into the yolks, folding gently. This will give you sort of a souffle effect. It might also get you a spot on the Martha Stewart show, or at least on the Gong Show.
    Hey, speaking of the Gong Show, do you remember the one where the guy played the Star Spangled Banner with his belly button? Not quite as good Hendrix (Jimi could play the belly button better than anybody) but it was close. The poor guy got gonged, though, before he got to the rocket’s red glare.
    Speaking of belly buttons, someone in college once asked my sister if she had ever had a Fuzzy Navel (apparently there’s an alcoholic drink named that, and that’s what they were referring to). Well she didn’t know that, and she answered, “No, but my brothers have.” :-)

  • Bo Jack Russo

    Hahahahahahaha!!!!!!Thanks everyone

  • Mr Ghaz

    Nice ones..very interesting piece..fun too..must see..Thnx for sharing this great work

  • BradONeill

    I hate when magazines and websites print recipes without testing them. I tried this three times and everytime no matter how long I let it cool it still caused burns in my mouth.

    Oh wait it is AA eggs. I thought it was AA batteries. Great so now none of the remotes in my house work and I am still hungry. Screw you and your recipes you bastard!

  • Juancav

    Great recipe,specially for enjoy and have a relaxing day.Thank you.

  • J.L. Eck

    I’ve heard that it is even better if you use a couple of eggs with those partially developed little chicks in them, but it’s your recipe;)

  • revivor

    when will we get the BoJack expresso?!!

  • Darla Smith

    Very funny recipe! I really like it!

  • Dee Gold

    Bo,you’re an amusing pirate I mean chef or writer whichever you choose. lol

  • B Nelson

    remind me not to eat at your house..
    you didnt use Free Range Eggs!