Breaking News: Santa Stabbed After Breaking Into House

Say goodbye to Santa kiddos, he just got killed by an overzealous house owner.

On December 25 in East Saint Louis, Santa Clause was visiting a house with no chimney for him to slide down. He had to break in through the front door, and the house owner was sitting by the fire reading a horror story book. Within seconds, the man jumped off his chair, pulled out his pocket knife, and made Santa’s suit even more red before Santa could take a single step.

In a news story following the accident, Rudolph said when interviewed, “Even though Santa is dead, we will still be delivering presents to all the good boys and girls. The only difference is we won’t have that big fat dude weighing the sleigh down all the time and yelling at us.”

Police are ruling Rudolph as the main suspect in the crime. They have found evidence of some sort of shady exchange between him and the person who stabbed Santa, who is spending the next 10 years in jail.

Rudolph will be entering court in February with Santa’s head elf as his lawyer. The head elf released the statement yesterday that their main defense will be that Rudolph was just following orders from Mrs. Clause who wants the North Pole for to be less creepy after Santa released a Justin Beiber parody song called “9 less lonely children.”


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