Brilliant Adult Jokes

Published by in Humor
15th Apr 2012

A 5 year old granddaughter is taken to school daily by her Grandad. One day when he wasn’t feeling very well his wife took her. That night she told her parents that the ride to school with granny was very different. “What made it different?” asked her parents. Well gran and I didn’t see a single tosser, blind bastard, dick head, prick or bell end anywhere on the way to school today.

The mother in law has been staying with us for the last few weeks. For years there had been tension between us. Then last night I walked in the bathroom as she sat naked in the hot bath. I locked the door and we both looked at each other through the steamy atmosphere. I paused then realised I couldn’t contain my feelings any longer………so I drowned the fat fuck.

A woman sets her fanny on fire by accident. Panicking, her husband tells her to stand on the balcony and let the wind blow it out, but she slips and falls.
Paddy and Murphy are stood below watching the flaming fanny hurtle towards them. Paddy says, “Is that a comet?” “Dont be daft” says Murphy, “Its a twattalite”.

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The wife asked me what I was doing on the computer? I told her I was looking for cheap flights. “I love you” she said,then she got all excited, un-zipped my trousers and gave me the most amazing blow job ever…. which is odd, because shes never shown an interest in darts before

Three irish guys in a pub called Mick, Pat & Tat . Local customers comes up to them and says “are you all related” Mick sez ” yeah were triplets ” customer sez ” Triplets, how come you and Pat are 6ft tall and Tat is only 4ft tall ” well sez Mick “me and Pat was always breast fed so there was no tit for Tat.