Most of us will have seen the clever and mildly amusing signs in some toilets around the world, such as, “We aim to please. Will you aim too please?” or, “If you sprinkle when you tinkle, please be neat and wipe the seat.” There are also those that are slightly more disgusting, but do get the message across, such as, “Please don’t throw cigarette ends in the urinals, it makes them soggy and hard to light.” But I myself prefer those that come from the public that visit these places.
One of my all time favourites was on a condom machine in an actually quite posh restaurant, where it seems some of the clientele were not above graffiti. Near the ‘kite’ mark, and the phrase “tested for safety”, indicating the condom’s manufacture to rigorous British Standards, someone had written, “Yeah, so was the Titanic”, to which a very witty individual had responded, “Yes, but these weren’t made for screwing icebergs!”
Another of my favourites was in the toilets of an administration office at a nuclear power station where I used to work. At face height, on the inside of the door, neatly typed on a clean sheet of paper, taped to the door at the corners, a creative poet had written, “For those that sit in cubicle 4, and wipe your bogies on the door, if I had a gun, you would be shot, there’s paper here for unwanted snot!” Needless to say, it wasn’t long before some filthy and inconsiderate ignoramus had wiped a bogie on that piece of paper, but was mildly amusing to see they’d written next to it, “Thank you for providing the paper!”
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On a night out in Cardiff, Wales, in a pub a little off the beaten track, I saw this on the wall above the urinals. Someone had boastfully written, “Can you beat my total of 53 women?” A succinct yet conversation ending reply in a different hand read, “Yes, if you supply the whip!”
And to finish, well I did say it was a small selection, but this is a favourite of mine again, seen in more than one toilet in my time, obviously a favourite of others too, which reads, in various versions, “At my age I use Viagra, not for sex, but half a tablet on a night out helps me stop pissing on my shoes.” Maybe not to everyone’s taste, but it does tickle me.
I’ll get my coat……!