Chaos, The Cat

Published by in Humor
17th Aug 2010

I begged my husband for a kitten. I had no idea what I was getting into! Jim brought him home on a motorcycle in 1985. I promptly dubbed him Chaos. He was the picture of innocence with his sky blue eyes, pure black tail and white body. I didn’t know about the mischief.

 

I had to use an eye dropper to feed him for the first few weeks. He’d sit on the palm of my hand to eat. When done, we’d stare at each other. Then he’d blink and topple over asleep.

 

He became eccentric as he got older. I had a favorite thermal long-sleeved shirt. He’d pull if off from where I left it and take it to the kitchen to use for a bed. Once I woke up and found all of our clothes from the wash room strung out in a trail between three rooms. One of the water lines had broken and the carpet was soaked. Far be it for him to get his feet wet.

 

Chaos didn’t want anything to do with me after he was weaned. He was my husband’s cat. This husband, who loathed cats, decided this one was his kind of animal. Where one went, the other followed. For added insult, Chaos took to nipping my big toe whenever he passed me. This wasn’t the cat I’d wanted!

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I was watching TV when a mouse ran out to the middle of the room. Chaos just stared at it. When I told him to get it, he looked me up and down like, “You’re kidding, right?” So much for that. I bought mouse traps.

 

He was very territorial. He hated dogs. There was a neighborhood poodle that liked to visit our yard. Chaos developed a passion for chasing that dog. He started chasing neighbor kids too. We had to be quite firm with him. He hated people of every kind except us. (I wasn’t too certain where I stood either!)

 

He had other issues. I worked night shift and got to bed about 3:30 am. Just as I’d be about to nod off, he’d start yowling to go out. I’d get up, open the door, and he’d change his mind. Back to bed for me. Then he decided he wanted out again. I couldn’t catch him, or I’d have tossed him out. We played that game till my hubby got home, then the little monster went out nice as you please. I hated him sometimes!

 

Once, I heard noises outside. I was terrified. Chaos kept pacing the floor. I called the police. After checking out the grounds, the policeman came to the door. As soon as I opened it, Chaos rushed out growling. He stood on his hind legs and sank his claws into the guy’s pants, very near the crotch. The guy laughed it off, but I think he was impressed with Chaos. I know I was. I was never as scared after that.

 

He took to hunting hedgehogs for entertainment. Or trying to. We tried to keep him inside, but he had a very free spirit. He’d just sit and stare at the hedgehogs through a window.

 

Then one day, he didn’t come home. My husband and I found his body near the ravine. We both cried. It was like losing a family member.