Eleven Things You Should NOT Do with Your Tax Return Money

Published by in Humor
29th Jan 2011
  1. Do not loan it to your brother in law. Again. He’s never going to pay you back. You know it, I know it.

  2. Do not give it to your teenager to ’save’ for college. Sure they will. And vampires are real. Just ask your thirteen year old daughter. She just spent the money on a website that promised to make her one.

  3. Do not spend it on another gadget from a late night infomercial. It is never a sound policy to buy anything at three o-clock in the a.m. and it is never a sound policy at any time when said product is endorsed by a B list soap actress that hasn’t worked in the last eight years. You didn’t even remember what the last gadget was for and the instructions were not in the least bit helpful. It would just go in the cupboard with the other gadgets that promised to change your life in mysterious kitcheny ways and then got chucked in the cupboard when your life was simply more cluttered and not in any other way changed. Except the juicer. The juicer was good.

  4. Read more in Humor« Shackled Robber Jumped Over The Head While Driving The Police CarShortest Man of The World »

    Do not buy a time-share. It is NOT the same as owning property. You don’t actually own anything with a time-share. As a matter of fact, you even have to share the time.

  5. Do not blow it at a casino, even in Vegas.  Yep, if you take your money to Vegas it stays in Vegas.
  6. Do not buy booze. Yeah, it sounds like a good idea. Might even be fun. But then, you get home at two a.m. and you end up buying something on an infomercial at three a.m.. Best to buy your booze on a budget than a binge. (Yay, alliteration!)

  7. Do not buy a lot of chocolate. It is way to early in the year to be breaking all those resolutions that you just made in January.

  8. Do not buy porn. There is plenty of free porn on the internet. It may not be good porn, but it is free. Also, shame on you for watching porn.

  9. Do not join an expensive gym with outrageous fees and personal trainers that make you never want to take off the sweats, no matter how sweaty you get. It might fit into the New Year resolutions you made, but half way through the year, you’ll stop going. The membership will still be there, you will still have to pay for the year long contract you signed and you could have spent that money on booze and chocolate when you get depressed about the whole thing. You can’t though. Membership fees.

  10. Do not order a mail order bride. It is not going to turn out the way you think its going to turn out.

  11. Do not buy a motorcycle, because you always wanted one since you were just a little kid. Here’s the thing:

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    • You have to have a special license to drive a motorcycle and most states make you take a safety course as well.

    • You have to have special insurance for it, and it WILL make your rates go up.

    • Your four children can not ride to soccer practice on the back of your bike.

    • A lot of states have helmet laws. Yuck.

    • Bugs in your teeth. Nobody looks like James Dean with a face full of bug goo. Also, I had a friend in high school who got knocked off his bike going about fifty miles an hour when a couple of June Bugs slammed into his forehead. True story.

    • You don’t have room in the garage for it, unless you move the boat you bought last year and have yet to take out on the water.

    • Image by via Flickr

    On a more serious note:

  • Val Mills

    Love it. I guess we’re all tempted by crazy things when we come into money.

  • robertito

    haha so true good tips

  • Betty Carew

    Ha Ha Annie you are so right. Some very valuable tips and some really good laughs. Great post Annie and a very enjoyable read.

  • OhSugar

    These are very helpful tips, and they are right on time.

  • nocrej

    Thanks for sharing =)

  • Judy Sheldon

    Funny, funny. I had to laugh at this one, but then I had no intention of buying any of these things.

  • pocketsofchange

    These are pretty funny! And they are actually true. You should not buy ANY of the things on this list with your tax return money, or any extra money for that matter!

  • overwings

    Well, I got around 20 USD this year. I can’t do much with that. Even if I waste it.