“Hi! I’m Harriet. I’ve been chosen Fat Queen of the Year, and I’d like to show you how much difference a fat woman can make in your life. We all need love. Fat women need love. You need love. If we just give love a chance, it will flourish. Now, why don’t you come a little closer and let Big Harriet give you a nice hug.”

“AHHHHHHHHHH! HELP! SOS! Save me! Please don’t lock any doors! Where’s the nearest exit?”

“Oh, now. I’m sure you’ll get used to the idea once you give it a chance. Many women are a little overweight here and there. Besides, I’m on the Jenny Craig weight reduction program, and I hope to lose a pound or two by next month. You’ll see – fat really is beautiful! Say, can you pass me those chocolates over there?”

“This is an EMERGENCY! Please Help! Somebody call the Rescue Department!”