You made your New Years resolution. You’re going on a diet. Good luck! Here are ten brand new diets for you to consider for the New Year:

1. The eggplant and squash diet. Doesn’t that sound delicious? Perhaps you can squash a few pounds off this diet.
2. The Fig Newton diet. Figs are very nutritious. Make sure that you have your Fig Newton cookies with low fat milk.
3. The green diet. You can only eat green food. Celery is in. Radishes are out. Lettuce is in. Carrots are definitely out. Forget about meat. Green licorice is in. Green bagels are in. Brownies are taboo.
4. The chocolate pudding and Jell-O diet. Hey at least it will taste good. You can cheat and put fruit in your Jell-O. Vanilla pudding and Tapioca pudding are also allowed.
5. The bread and nuts diet. Only plain bread will do. You can have Seven Grain bread or Italian bread. Just do not add peanut butter or jelly. All nuts are allowed except Brazil nuts. You can only eat the pecans in pecan pie.
6. The artificial sweetener and flavoring diet. Make sure all foods have artificial ingredients. No natural foods are allowed. Also, foods that contain artificial coloring are encouraged. Stick to this diet and you will artificially lose weight.
7. The hamburger and hotdog diet. No pork allowed. You may have an occasional potato chip but no French fries. My uncle tried this diet and now resembles a wiener dog.
8. The A diet. You can only eat foods that begin with the letter A. Some examples include: applesauce, apricots, aardvarks, armadillos, anchovies, apples, ants, almonds, asparagus, and anteaters.
9. The leftover diet. You are only allowed to eat leftovers. Any food will do. Would you like some soggy pizza? Perhaps you would like five-day-old bagels? Reheated mashed potatoes sounds wonderful. Doesn’t it? How about having a hamburger that has been sitting in the refrigerator?
10. The Round diet. You can only eat round foods. Some examples include: pancakes, oranges, donuts, bagels, tomatoes, chocolate chip cookies, and Kix cereal. No square shapes are allowed. Once you take a bite of your food you must stop eating it. After all, it is no longer round.