American’s don’t just get fat, we have to work at it! I am fed up with the rest of the world, especially the French, telling us why our beautiful, freedom loving country is over-weight! We know why we’re heavy happy. We don’t need outsiders coming over to our part of the world and telling us why our bathroom scales never seem to work. We know why. We know that if we can answer “yes” to more than three of these questions, than we are a proud, fat American.

*Warning. These questions should only be answered by a God fearing, Krystal loving, pizza packing, wings and beer on Fridays, American!

1. Have you ever swallowed so fast you burned your tonsils first?
2. Is it easier to locate your box of Little Debbie’s than it is a clean pair of socks?
3. Have you ever raced your spouse to finish dinner so you can eat what the kids didn’t?
4. Do you order an extra large milkshake so you’ll have enough to drink when your done dipping your french fries?
5. Have you ever fractured a bone trying to get to the biscuit bowl at Cracker Barrel first?
6. Have you ever fractured someone else’s bone who tried to get to the biscuit bowl first?
7. Did you ever attempt to retrieve a piece of dropped food from the monkey cage?
8. Do you usually make an effort to eat two meals before your dentist appointment?
9. Have you ever brought your own appetizer to a drive-thru?
10. Is deep fried mac & cheese your favorite vegetable?
11. Have you ever had a hard time accepting the expiration date on your sour cream?
12. Do you think salad dressing is only used for dipping?
13. Have you ever used mayonnaise as a condiment for your peanut butter sandwiches?
14. Did you give a name to the hiding place of your cookie stash?
15. Finally, have you extended the 5 second rule to 10 minutes for any donut?