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Zombies have feelings and care about others. They shouldn’t just be mocked because they are dead. Here are twelve humorous fortune cookie sayings from Zombies:

1.   If your marriage is breaking up, I would be happy to swallow up the pieces.

2.   Don’t go out on the limb to help a friend. Give me your limb instead.

3.   Don’t give the rude driver the finger. Give me the finger and the rest of your hand.

4.   The next time your girlfriend tells you to drop dead would you please drop dead in front of me.

5.   If you break a leg when performing in a play, I will be happy to take care of it for you.

6.   If you need to lose some weight, I would be happy to shed some of your excess pounds.

7.   Why don’t you spend your next vacation in a cemetery? You’ll meet friends that you haven’t seen in a long time.

8.   Let’s play a game of heads and tails. Heads I win all the time.

9.   You’re looking a little stiff. Have you been going out with my Zombie girlfriend?

10. Can we watch you do the splits? My friend and I would love to see you separate in two.

11. Are you tired of being in a dead end job? Come visit Zombie’s Personnel Agency. We’ll find you a job that will just thrill you to death.

12. Zombies do not drink blood. It gives us the runs.