A satirical opinion of why newspapers are failing at this time and what some funny comic relief can do to remedy this.
I don’t have a lot of sympathy for newspapers that are falling on hard times these days. Just like with any other business, if you compromise on the quality and integrity of your product most people will recognize that and put it on their “pay no mind” list which inevitably merges with the “things to get rid of” list. This process seems to hasten when cash gets tight and there are far more resources to get information and also more important necessities to spend money on.
A lot of newspapers take themselves too seriously. They flag their rags in slogans like “on guard for 150 years” or “all the news that’s fit to print”. Lighten up guys. The main goal here is to sell subscriptions and advertising, not to be the self proclaimed beacons of enlightenment. How about more fitting slogans such as “on guard of birdcage bottoms for 150 years” or “for all doggy poop that’s fit to git”.
Now I don’t want get into subjects like, well, their supposed objective reporting, the politically slanted opinion pages, the waste of space devoted to fluff pieces such as New Age pet decorating and wicker furniture for dog houses. No, that’s only nitpicking. You wanna know what’s a big reason these newspapers are in a lot trouble?
The funny papers are not funny. The comics are comatose. Charlie has gone to that big pitching mound in the sky throwing a no-hitter and he ain’t coming back.
Wait a minute and bear with me please. I’m having a nostalgic flashback and can’t help remembering something from long, long ago. No…it‘s not about a distant galaxy far, far away. It’s a favorite memory about when I was a kid and used to sprawl the funnies on the living room floor in anticipation of having some laughs after doing some hard time at Sunday Mass. For all I cared Mom, Dad and my sister could keep the rest of the newspaper and use it to line the trashcan. Unfortunately one begins to grow older and eventually you’re off the floor with the comics and at the kitchen table with a coffee and a cigarette reading the hard news of the day.