Dear Sir/Madame:

We understand that you have received unwanted mailings from MCI. To help us serve you better, please fill out the short questionnaire below.

1. How long have you been our customer? long enuf

2. Would you recommend us to family/friends? nope, we tha wuns with a fone

3. Do you have family/friends? plunty uv frends. No fam’ly, altho Mery Jo says hur for boys ar mine. I don’t beleev hur tho cuz thay all look mor like cuzen Bobby Lee than me

4. What are your hobbies? skunk skinin’ and playin’ chicken with log truks

5. Which of the following do you do on a regular basis?

a. shower – wunts a yeer, whuthr I needs won ur not

b. eat – evry day

c. use the Internet – onli fur fishin’

d. drive a car – yup! truk akchuly

e. drive family/friends crazy- think we ben over this to.

e. eat shellfish – fish don’t hav shellz…t’ain’t naturul like. You bein’ smart with me?

6. What is your Social Security Number? uhhh….five?

7. What type of credit cards do you use?

a. Visa – don’t neeed one, wuz born heer

b. MasterCard – All redy master uv my domane…wut do I nede a kard for?

c. Discover – wut ur yu supoz’d to discuver with em?

d. Carte Blanc – don’t suport them frogs, no how

e. Diner’s Club – yup! Got me a kard to git inta Abby’s Diner on mimbership nites

f. Gas Card(s) [specify] – don’t thenk so

8. What are the account numbers of all of your credit cards? uhhh….five?

9. What are the expiration dates? thay all dyd long time go

10. What are the three number codes located on the back of the card(s)? uhhh…five? no, wate….uhhh…siks

11. Please use separate paper to write down a concise and easily understood table of the above information. I kin’t reed nur rite vary wel, hay, is this a test ur somthin?

12. Do you mind when we randomly tape your phone messages for training purposes? Enything fur tha kom’n gud

13. Do you mind when we randomly tape your phone messages for a good laugh? Sowundz lik fun. I’ll breng thu boyz over with thu shotguns en we kin du a lit’l targit praktis with yur karz to

14. Is there anything we can do to make your stay with MCI more enjoyable? Got eny uv thim fri’d kraklin snaks?

Thank you for your time,

Ruppurt Murdock

Ruppurt…funy, od kinda name. Yu wun uv thim furiners?