Welcome to ABC Bank how can we help you?

What I really hear is, “Wel B ank we you?”  I’m still trying to maneuver the car so that I reach the tube to put my deposit in.  I pull up and have to lay my seat completely back in the car to reach out the window to grasp the box, I’m still too short.

“ay I elp u?”

“Hold on I can’t get the tube!”

I back up again, trying to get close enough to reach it and the side of my car goes up on the curb.  There, now I can reach it.

I look around for my deposit slip but it’s now lost in the car.  I send an empty container and wait until the teller gets around to my tube.  She opens it and looks in it again, the looks up at me in the car like I’m an idiot.

“There’s noth it.”  I’m translating this to mean, “There’s nothing in it.”

“Right, can I have a deposit slip?”

I can hear her sigh as she looks at the big sign by the window that says. Please limit your transactions to move quickly through the drive through line.

My boys, like Pavlov’s dogs are repeatedly saying, “Can we have a lollipop….can we have a lollipop….can we have a lollipop!”  All this noise makes me ignore her sigh, because she really doesn’t want me to drag two boys into the bank!  I fill out the deposit slip having to look for a check because I can’t remember my checking account number.  I try unsuccessfully three times to reach my purse on the floor and now have to park the car on the curb, unbuckle and climb over the seat to get to the checkbook.  The teller is looking at me like I’ve lost my mind.  Some of the checks are not signed by my husband.  I sigh this time and sign them, I swear they’d probably arrest him for forgery if he ever signed one of his checks and deposited it.

I have to lean out the window, my butt in the air to get the tube back and reach the send button.  The kids are now trying to choke each other in the backseat.  “Can we have a lollipop…..can we have a lollipop….”  She continues to help three other cars before taking my tube, I almost yell in relief.  She opens it, takes the contents out and works on her calculator.  She then looks up at me like I’m an idiot again and sends the tube back to me.

“You ed to gn the de slip or ash ck.”  Translated, “You need to sign the deposit slip for cash back.”

I get a cramp in my back leaning out window and grab the tube, pull it in the car and sign the slip.  It takes three attempts get to the send button as I throw out my rotator cuff.

Finally, “Is ere more I n do?”  Translated, “Is there anything more I can do?”

“No, thank you.”

“Ank for anking ith us.”  Translated, “Thanks for banking with us.”

I lean out of the window and grab the tube.  I open it and a nice little gust of wind lifts the deposit slip and blows it to the ground by my car.  I have to lean out the window to put the tube back, then I hit my door as I try to open it to get the deposit slip.  I try to reach in the crack and feel for the slip.  No luck.  I pull forward and a big guy in a pickup truck complete with gun rack and rise up South stickers quickly pulls up to take my place.

“Gotta get my deposit slip.”  I mouth as I get out of the car, is he reaching for something in his car?  I point down to the slip of paper in front of his tire. 

“We lank cn I elp ou?”  She says as I crawl under the truck grab my slip and get on my way.

I enjoy making a deposit at the bank as much as I enjoy trying to get money out of a drive up ATM.  I’ve seen people laughing in cars behind me as I unbuckle, open my door and look like an Olympic gymnast trying to reach the buttons.  A former basketball player created the deposit tubes because you have to have gorilla arms to reach these contraptions.  Then they figure that the ATM’s are made by munchkins because the buttons are only two feet from the floor!    I once took the rear view mirror off a rental car trying to back up to reach the buttons on a ATM.  All of this always happens when it is pouring down rain, or there are screaming children in the car. 

Maybe the banks figure if you can’t get to the buttons on the ATM then you can’t take your money out, right?  What do you think?