The common aphorism “Don’t judge a book by its cover,” couldn’t be more apt if you find yourself in a physical duel with a blind person. Experience has taught me to not underestimate your blind opponent, and never let him gain the upper hand. I’m going to share some useful tactics that will help you trick and defeat your sightless adversary, or in the very least, escape to fight another day.

Blind people are not so different from you and I. They often hold jobs and pay taxes. Some may even have families. However, they are capricious and quick to aggression, and they will strike you without notice. Such is what happened to me not long ago.

I was standing in the middle of sidewalk in Center City Philadelphia staring at the ground, as I often do, when a blind man suddenly lurched into me as if he didn’t know I was there. Needless to say I was furious. Now I don’t personally know anyone who is blind, but having seen the first 10 minutes of the movie “Daredevil”, I know blind people are freakishly coordinated and can use biosonar to detect objects in front of them. Defending myself against this man’s aggression, I slapped him across the face, sending his Blublocker sunglasses flying. He went into rage, flailing his arms and swinging his plastic cane around indiscriminately. His screaming was undoubtedly an attempt to echolocate my whereabouts. To confuse his sonar, I began banging my fists against a nearby metal garbage. It was to no avail, however, as he continued to move forward, violently swinging his cane to and fro.

I knew he would defeat me in hand-to-hand combat, so I opted a different approach, which has since been very effective against my subsequent blind adversaries. I kept my distance and began gathering small stones and gravel from the ground. My only hope was that a ranged attack could penetrate his defenses. I hurled a small stone, striking him between the eyes. He screeched in rage at my crafty offensive. Continued pelting eventually slowed his progress, and he began to retreat back from whence came. I immediately egressed the vicinity and headed back toward the safety of my apartment, thankful that my wits and familiarity with Ben Affleck movies had perhaps saved my life. The next day, I saw the same blind man entering the police station with the assistance of a police officer. I can only assume that police had caught him attacking some other innocent bystander later that day and were bringing him in for questioning.

So remember, few people have fought a blind opponent and lived to tell about it. Don’t go out and purposefully try to fight them. They have advanced senses and unpredictable behavior, which make them incredibly dangerous. However, if you find yourself like me, the victim of an attack, remember the useful strageties which I employed to help save my life. They might just save yours.