Eating, laughing, having one’s own place – a good start at staying out of a mental institution. Why do we stay out of a mental institution?

Because it’s there.

 Yes, that is the bold, defiant saying of those conquistadors who climbed Everest. It is now your motto. Live by it.

(Next, the writer will attempt to draw upon the successful “Star Trek” series, to make some insightful and witty observations about the media, and to sell an article. The reader will please be patient.)

Quick Scotty! Switch to the objective tense so that all those who write in that tense will be happy and proud! So that they can have their way on the creation of bogus objectivity!! So that they can boldy say, “We wrote it that way because we believed it!”

That’s the way I wrote it! You don’t like it that way? You can pay me to change it!!!!

Quick Scotty! Back to the pseudo-objective!

“Pork shares in Iowa were down two percent today, while Wall Street had another outstanding day. The government announced that new rockets were being launched at an ever increasing pace, and Phyllis Diller announced that she would be changing hairstyles again.”

“In Japan, the Liberal Democratic Party announced something, and everyone agreed on it; a second announcement was made later in the day, and everyone agreed on that one, too. North Korea announced that it would not be attending next year’s talks on anything.”

“In Montana, Ted Turner announced that he would be marrying yet another wife, making him one of the most successful competitors of all time to Henry VIII. Turner said that he was trying to get to know a journalist, but after a 42-year search for a soul, he was ending the vain pursuit. Bob Spipher is live with more in Montana. Bob?”

“Ted, can you comment on exactly what is going on here?”

“Uh, well, yes, Bob, you see I’ve been trying for 42 years now to actually find a journalist who has a soul. I’m still looking!”

Vrooom!!! Swoosh!!!! Sheuuuuwwww!!!!!!!!

“Oh My God! What was that?!!!!

“Oh, don’t mind that, Bob, that’s just Jane zooming by in her new mini-helicopter. Built for one, it was designed in Japan and made in Mexico. Sometimes she flies a bit low! What can I say? I guess it’s just the adventurous side of her personality. Is that enough coverage?”

“I’m sorry, but I fail to comprehend exactly what you’re referring to! Could you please, perhaps – ”

“Bob, this is Jim back in Washington. We’re going to have to cut this one short.”

“Oh! NO! Not yet Jim!! I’m not finished completing my share of the pseudo objective! Can’t I have just another three seconds or so??”

“No, I’m sorry Bob. That’s all for today.”

Pardon me, but it seems that the media’s attempt at objectivity is something of a sham. They report in the objective tense, but the viewpoint of the journalist tends to come through. Often, the journalist clearly has an ideological viewpoint – typically, either socialist or capitalist – which is pawned to the reader, resulting in

this pseudo-objective news. It would be more honest just to write in the first person, and include a sentence to the effect that “This is the information I have, and this is the way I see it.”  The determination of what is newsworthy is still another step toward the pseudo- objective – what gets left out is truly alarming.