Interview with Tarzan

A WeeBe Querrian Exclusive Interview

Querrian: Hello, everyone. I am here today with the famous jungle man, Tarzan. Welcome, Tarzan. Glad you could swing by.

Tarzan: Tarzan happy to be here.

Querrian: Now I understand that this is not your first time visiting civilization.

Tarzan: This is true. Tarzan once tried moving back to big city.

Querrian: And what happened?

Tarzan: Too much of a jungle.

Querrian: Wow. Imagine that.

Tarzan: Yes. Tarzan try swinging from telephone wires and got in big trouble.

Querrian; I can see where that would cause a problem.

Tarzan: Tarzan like African jungle.

Querrian: Now you were marooned there as a child and raised by apes.

Tarzan: Yes. Tarzan learn from apes how to climb and jump and hunt and eat bananas.

Querrian: What is your greatest skill?

Tarzan: Greatest skill is not slipping on all those banana peels.

Querrian: I see.

Tarzan: Tarzan have great balance. Tarzan can swing from tree to tree. Only got hurt once.

Querrian: Really? What happened?

Tarzan: I wave to wife Jane with wrong hand.

Querrian: That must not have been good.

Tarzan: Not for wife Jane either. Me land right on her.

Querrian: Now your title is Lord Greystoke.

Tarzan: Yes. I prefer Tarzan. Lord Greystoke is title when I visit big city. You tell gorilla that Lord Greystoke is here, he say, “What? Who?” You say Tarzan is here, he say, “Oh, Tarzan. Show him in.”

Querrian: Yes. I understand.

Tarzan: In African jungle, they don’t know my name or title. They know Tarzan.

Querrian: So you can speak to animals in the jungle.

Tarzan: I speak to all animals in jungle. When I need help, I call a jungle animal and they come help.

Querrian: That’s very impressive. And there is a certain call you use?

Tarzan: Yes. Watch this. Ah – Ah ah ah ah – Ah ah ah.

Querrian: Yes. Impressive. Now what did that mean?

Tarzan: Tarzan call elephant.

Querrian: Really? That’s nice. That’s nice. Very interesting. So that will call an elephant to help you.

Tarzan: Yes. Elephant is on his way.

Querrian: On his way? Wait, what was that? Hold on, I am getting word from our producer. You say there is an elephant back stage?

Tarzan: That Tarzan elephant.

Querrian: He came that fast?

Tarzan: Elephant expecting Tarzan’s call.

Querrian: Well, can you make him go back now?

Tarzan: Tarzan can’t make him go. Tarzan need elephant.

Querrian: Here? Now?

Tarzan: Elephant Tarzan’s ride home.

Querrian: Why not just take a taxi?

Tarzan: Know what difference between taxi driver and elephant?

Querrian: What?

Tarzan: I understand what elephant is saying.

Querrian: Oh, yes. I see. That’s a good point.

Tarzan: Tarzan tell elephant to wait outside.

Querrian: That would be appreciated. We wouldn’t want an elephant hanging around the back of the studio. Now is your wife Jane with you here?

Tarzan: Wife Jane make trip to big city with Tarzan. She misses big city sometimes, so I take her with me this time.

Querrian: Great. What does she miss most about the city?

Tarzan: Shopping. Wife Jane think Tarzan is rich! “Tarzan not make much money working in African jungle,” I tell her.

Querrian: Yes. I can imagine that. Now you wear this leopard loincloth for your clothing all the time.

Tarzan: Yes. Dry cleaning bills a lot less for Tarzan once I decided to wear only leopard loincloths.

Querrian: And they are comfortable?

Tarzan: Tarzan a lucky man.

Querrian: Oh? How so?

Tarzan: Tarzan can walk around in underwear and wife Jane not get mad at me.

Querrian: Wow. Yes, every man’s dream.

Tarzan: Tarzan feel very comfortable.

Querrian; Well, that’s all the time we have for today. I want to thank you for being my guest.

Tarzan: Tarzan can go now?

Querrian: Certainly. Join me next time for another WeeBe Querrian Exclusive Interview.

Tarzan: Ok. I get my ride, now.

Querrian: No wait. We don’t want that elephant in here.

Tarzan: Tarzan call elephant for ride home.

Querrian; Yes, but he needs to stay outside. Ok, watch out for that elephant! Clear the room! Oh great. Now look what he’s done.

Tarzan: Sorry about that.