A WeeBe Querrian Exclusive Interview

Querrian: Hello everyone.  We are here today with the ghost of the legendary King Arthur.
King Arthur: Hello.  Hello.
Querrian: So how does it feel being so legendary?
King Arthur: It hurts, if you want to know.  People not knowing whether I really existed or not.  Well heck, who do you think fought all those battles to unite Britain?
Querrian: Yes.  You battled many knights.
King Arthur: And many days too.  We didn’t just fight at night, you know.
Querrian: No.  I mean knights.  You know.  Knights?
King Arthur: Yes.  We fought night and day.  Many nights and days.
King Arthur: No.  I mean the knights you fought.  They were knights.
King Arthur: Ok.  Whatever you say.  We fought at night.
Querrian: Ok.  Well perhaps we’ll move on.
King Arthur: We fought during the day, too.  Just for the record.
Querrian: I see.  So let’s start at the beginning.
King Arthur: Must we?
Querrian: You pull the sword out of the stone and become King.
King Arthur: So you think it happened just like that?  “Hey look, everyone.  The cruddy boy pulled the sword from the stone.  Let’s make him King.”  No Sir.  It wasn’t that easy.
Querrian: No?
King Arthur: A full investigation took place.  It was maddening to see the uproar over a stupid thing like being annointed a King.
Querrian: But the sword did belong to your father, King Uther.
King Arthur: What good did it do him?  The darned thing broke the minute I tried to use it.  No wonder my father couldn’t do anything while he was King.  He had that blasted sword.
Querrian: But then the Lady of the Lake gave you Excalibur.
King Arthur: Yeah.  Gave it to me.  She didn’t want me to have it.
Querrian: Oh no?
King Arthur: I said, “Give me the bloody sword, Wench.”
Querrian: The bloody sword?
King Arthur: Yes.  She wouldn’t give me the bloody sword.
Querrian: So it was bloody.  Why?  Was it used?
King Arthur: No, it wasn’t used.  Who would have used the bloody thing?
Querrian: Then how did it get bloody?
King Arthur: No.  Not bloody.  The bloody sword.
Querrian: So it was bloody?
King Arthur: Oh never mind.
Querrian: But you did get it, right?
King Arthur: Merlin got it from her, yes.
Querrian: How did he do that?
King Arthur: Well, he dated her once.  I think he had pictures.  You know how that can be.
Querrian: Indeed.  Now talk about the Knights of the Round Table.
King Arthur: Yes, they were my knights.
Querrian: Now why a round table?
King Arthur: I don’t know.  I got it from Gwenevere as a wedding gift.  Who gives someone a table as a wedding gift?  How about some nice silverware or something?  No.  I get a big, round table.  What the bloody else am I going to do with it?  I invited all my friends over to sit around the round table.
Querrian: Yes.  Let’s talk about Gwenevere.
King Arthur: Must we?
Querrian: It must be hard for you seeing her have an affair with Lancelot.
King Arthur: Yes.  Hence his name Lancelot.  Get it?  If I had a lance like that, she wouldn’t have left me.
Querrian: Well now.  This is a family show here.
King Arthur: Quite sorry.  Quite sorry.
Querrian: It must make you angry, though.
King Arthur: Yeah.  A King’s life.  Let me tell you about a King’s life.  I get seduced by my sister, my best friend steals my wife, and my own son kills me to take my throne.  How’s that for a King’s life?
Querrian: Quite a story.
King Arthur: Yes, for all the tabloids in Wales.  I was on the covers every week.  Look what’s happening with King Arthur now.  Has he gained weight?  “Here.  Why don’t you just take Excalibur so you can shove that up my – “
Querrian: Hey now.  Settle down here.
King Arthur: Ok then.  Bunch of barbarians, they are.
Querrian: Ok. So let’s talk about the good times.  How about the quest for the Holy Grail?
King Arthur: Oh yes.  I sent those three idiots out.
Querrian: Weren’t they your best knights?  I mean, they found the Grail, right?
King Arthur: They were supposed to bring the bloody thing back.  Bors gets killed, Percival runs off to be a hermit, and Galahad stays with The Fisher King.  “Hey fellas!  Did you forget about me?  It’s King Arthur here.  Remember?  I was the one that sent you to get the bloody cup.”  Bloody idiots, they were.
Querrian: Ok then.  So you’re pretty angry about it, I see.
King Arthur: You bet I am.
Querrian: Well, I think that’s all the time we have for today.  Join me next time for another WeeBe Querrian Exclusive Interview.
King Arthur: Oh, I get it.  I fought at night.
Querrian: No.  You fought knights.
King Arthur: But at night.  Right?
Querrian: Whatever.