1.       Talking to someone that has a lazy eye- this is hard for me because the whole time they are talking I really don’t hear anything they are saying. All I can do is keep asking myself is “I wonder if they can see me with both eyes?”  If you’ve ever been in this situation, you know what I am talking about. The only thing that makes this worse is a severely lazy eye of what I like to call “the coma eye”. I am sorry but this nightmare started when I was in the eighth grade and my math teacher had a “coma eye”. She would call on me in class but she wouldn’t point or anything and then she would get angry when I would ask “are you asking me”? I am sorry but really was this my fault?

2.       You are at your new girl/ boyfriends place when all of the sudden Mother Nature calls. Now if it were for number one this would not be a problem. This was the wrong day to have the entire Chinese buffet for lunch and you knew this but we like to live dangerously, don’t we?

3.       Talking behind someone’s back and they show up right when you are finishing up- this one has gotten me at least once a month since I turned twenty. I just don’t get it, I mean these people would never even come within ten feet of me normally but the moment I say one bad thing about them they want to be my BFF. Now you could probably play it off if the crowd you were with had any idea of how to act normal but they decide to go all silent and act about as weird as a human being possibly could. If you’ve been in this situation you know the rest of the story.

4.       You get caught watching naughty internet “photos/videos” by your wife- this creates a silence like no other. You could actually hear an ant pass gas during this silence. You scramble in your head to find any excuse what so ever but you can’t come up with anything.  Then it hits you “these darn pop ups, I don’t know why they won’t stop” just as she notices the timer that says that fifteen minutes have elapsed. Guess who’s sleeping on the couch again.