10 Best Put Downs
10 one liners that really hit the mark.
The first three belong to Winston Churchill, the master of the put down.
Lady Astor: “Sir, you are drunk.” Churchill: “That may be so madam but you are ugly and in the morning I shall be sober.”
Woman in crowd: “Sir, if you were my husband I’d poison your tea.” Churchill: “Madam, if you were my wife, I’d drink it.”
Labour MP outside a public phone box: “Mr. Churchill could you lend me thrupence to phone a friend?” Churchill: “Certainly, here’s sixpence, phone them all.”
Comedian to heckler: “I’ll let you off. I remember the first time I had beer.”
Comedian to heckler: “We could have a battle of wits, but you’re unarmed.”
Man to woman sat at bar: “Can I buy you a drink?” Woman: “Actually, I’d rather have the money.”
Groucho Marx: “I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll make an exception.”
Muhammed Ali: “You’re so poor you go to KFC to lick other people’s fingers.”
Billy Connolly to heckler: “Oh shut up. Do I come to your work and tell you how to sweep up?”
Cricketers Ed O’Brandis and Shane Warne. Warne: “Jeeze Ed, you’ve put on a bit of weight since I saw you last.” O’Brandis: “That’s because every time I make love to your wife she gives me a biscuit.”