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10 Best Put Downs

Published by Graham Fisher in Life
January 21st, 2008

10 one liners that really hit the mark.


The first three belong to Winston Churchill, the master of the put down.

Lady Astor: “Sir, you are drunk.” Churchill: “That may be so madam but you are ugly and in the morning I shall be sober.”

Woman in crowd: “Sir, if you were my husband I’d poison your tea.” Churchill: “Madam, if you were my wife, I’d drink it.”

Labour MP outside a public phone box: “Mr. Churchill could you lend me thrupence to phone a friend?” Churchill: “Certainly, here’s sixpence, phone them all.”

Comedian to heckler: “I’ll let you off. I remember the first time I had beer.”

Comedian to heckler: “We could have a battle of wits, but you’re unarmed.”

Man to woman sat at bar: “Can I buy you a drink?” Woman: “Actually, I’d rather have the money.”

Groucho Marx: “I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll make an exception.”

Muhammed Ali: “You’re so poor you go to KFC to lick other people’s fingers.”

Billy Connolly to heckler: “Oh shut up. Do I come to your work and tell you how to sweep up?”

Cricketers Ed O’Brandis and Shane Warne. Warne: “Jeeze Ed, you’ve put on a bit of weight since I saw you last.” O’Brandis: “That’s because every time I make love to your wife she gives me a biscuit.”

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