Tired of receiving annoying telemarketing calls? You are not alone. Here are ten creative responses to a telemarketing call.

1.   The party that you wish to talk to is no longer living at this address. He has moved to the great state of Alaska. However, as a consolation prize, you may talk to my dog Ralph.

2.   You really can read a script well. What school did you go to learn this stuff? Perhaps one day I can go into the noble profession of telemarketing. On second thought, I think I’d rather be dead.

3.   I cannot make a donation. However, I can send you a bag of dog biscuits. You can use them to substitute for money.

4.   I’m glad that you are not asking for money. By the way, can you spare twenty bucks? I’m broke.

5.   Would you like to double date? You have such a nice, smooth voice. Are you married? I forgot to mention that I like to stalk handsome, young men.

6.   Can I send you monopoly money? How about a Get out of Jail card?

7.   I’d love to donate one thousand dollars. Unfortunately, I’m unemployed. My wife left me. I have no health insurance. My house is being foreclosed. Perhaps I can give you the finger instead.

8.   I can’t talk now. I have a pain in my chest. Oh no, it’s too late. I’m gone. Ha, ha, just kidding. Can’t you take a joke?

9.   I do not make donations over the phone to telemarketers. I’m allergic to all telemarketers. Go away! I’ll send you a one way ticket to Iraq.

10. Are you smiling? Good! I’ve just been informed that you have the flu. You really sound sick. I suggest you go home and get in bed immediately. You’re very contagious. By the way, are you still smiling?

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