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10 Things to Do Before You Die…. If You Dare!
It was hard to pick just ten, but out of so many I have finally managed to expose the important ones. Read…. read and plan ahead!
1. Boil a kettle
Let’s face it, how many times have you been asked to boil a kettle? It is about time you actually did it (incidentally, stainless steel boils at about 2’300 degrees C…)!
2. Get married and have a family
You’re going to need someone to haunt, otherwise eternity could be pretty dull! Oh, okay, there is more to it than that… having a family may well be the greatest thing in the world!
3. Learn a foreign language
因为我们都很得瑟!
It’s true…
4. Draw the Curtains
Again, like in Number 1 above: how many times have you been asked to ‘draw’ the curtains? You really should, at some point in your life, actually draw them.
5. Admit that you didn’t enjoy the Godfather films
I honestly think that about 98% of the world didn’t. Remember, it takes more courage to admit this than it does to put a candle out with only your wetted fingers! Die with the harness off your back …so to speak.
(As I am a coward, please do not construe this point as my own admission of not fully enjoying all three parts of the series. I loved every single breathtaking minute, naturally…).
6. Run a marathon
Yes, you really should. It is supposed to offer a great sense of achievement, though very few manage to do it even once in their lives.
7. Run in a marathon
Aha! You notice now that this is not the same as Number 6 above! Indeed, running in a marathon is both less stressful and less tiring than actually running a marathon. Something to think about, at least.
By the by, if any who read this have actually run in a marathon that they themselves have run, then I offer my most sincere respect. I cannot imagine it! Myself, and EVERYONE else in the whole world could learn something from you.
8. Watch the Rambo quadrilogy
Though if you haven’t seen these films by now then you are already dead, to me at least.
9. Fight crime
Come on! It’ll be fun, plus it could well be the last thing you ever do… maybe I should have put this one as Number 10…?
10. Disrespect a Pigeon
We all want to do it, but none of us ever dare! In fact the old saying goes “always respect the pigeon”, not because they are cute, not because they are scarce; but because they know. The ancient Egyptians had it wrong: it is not cats that guard the dead… [source: Phil, 'The Pigeon' 2007]
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6 Comments
Hahaha, this was well done! I laughed out loud in a couple places. This reminded me of the Veggie Tales song, “The Pirates Who Don’t Do Anything.” My sister-in-law and her husband actually did ALL the things that the pirates didn’t do … or maybe most of them … including throwing mashed potatoes up against the wall. I don’t think they kissed a chipmunk though.
Thanks nutuba! Happy to have been able to make you laugh.
I’d love to boil a kettle…. can’t say the same about kissing a chipmunk though!
Oh yes, you must absolutly never disrespect a pigeon. And it was not only the Anciant Egyptians, it was everyone.
You have done Number 8, haven’t you Phil?
Why yes, I’ve watched it so many times I… Well I believe the term is ‘lost count.’
Good to know. A good way to be sure you have watched it enough is by making sure you have lost count, I hear. After all, if you can remember exactly how many times you’ve seen it then you can only have spent a finite time watching it. Which is just ridiculous.
Less breathing; more Rambo!