You live next door to a neighbor who is unfriendly and just plain obnoxious. You really want to express how much you can’t stand his behavior towards you. Here are ten things to say to your rude and obnoxious neighbor.

1. Say Fred, glad to see that you finally mowed your lawn after five weeks. I was afraid that my little dog Fifi would be lost in the tall grass forever.
2. Say Donna, if your nose was stuck up any higher, you’d need pliers to bend it down
3. Why Jerry, thank you for letting your dog Bowser crap all over my grass. His doo doo makes great fertilizer.
4. Say Martha, is this the fourth or fifth facelift that you’ve had
5. Check it out Henry. Your Yugo stands out like a sore thumb. Of course, your 100% polyester Hawaiian shirt stands out even more.
6. Listen Dorothy, why do you act like you’re the Wicked Witch of the West? By the way, the warts on your nose do not accentuate your beauty
7. Hey Wilbur, did anyone ever tell you that you bear a striking resemblance to Mr. Ed.
8. Dear sweet Caroline, please keep your garbage on your lot and not mine. My neighbors are not really interested in seeing your collection of false eyelashes and makeup.
9. Look Al, for the last time, quit pounding on your drums at three o’clock in the morning. Otherwise, I’ll have to do my rendition of Smashing Pumpkins.
10. Oh Mary, would you mind not wearing a skirt that goes up to your belly button. My husband is starting to drool and it’s not pleasant.