Here are ten things that you probably would like to say to the principal:

1. It wasn’t my fault. George just happened to walk into my fist. Do you know how hard it was to pull my hand out of his mouth?
2. Nice office you have here. Does your wife come to visit you often? She’s very attractive. Why are you turning red? Is it something that you ate?
3. I wasn’t really fighting with Jim. We were just fooling around. Also, that’s not real blood on his shirt. It’s fake blood. Why are you shaking your head? Don’t you believe me? See, there’s even fake blood on my clothes.
4. Boy Mr. Jenson, you sure look heavier up close. Have you ever considered going on a diet?
5. What do you mean I’m being suspended? This is only the first time that I’ve been caught fighting with another student. Please give me another chance. I promise that I won’t get in another fight for the rest of the year. I’m not really crossing my fingers. It’s a nervous condition.
6. My family is loaded. Just tell me how much you want, and I’ll write you a check. After all, Jennifer really had it coming to her. She’s such a stuck up…. You know what I mean?
7. I was just practicing my martial arts. Gerald happened to volunteer to be my human guinea pig. He’ll be all right in a few days.
8. I couldn’t help myself. Hal called me a good for nothing jerk. Even though it’s true, Hal had no right to call me that.
9. Joe was looking at my girlfriend. He said that she was cute. I took offense to that statement so I punched him in the stomach. I’m the only person who can call Donna cute.
10. I’m going to serve detention for how many days? I’ll rot away. Do you really expect me to be quiet for an entire hour? You’re lucky if I’m quiet for one minute. Also, I’m allergic to school work. You could be endangering my health.