This is one of the coldest winters in the history of weather record keeping.  Low temperature records are being broken everywhere.  Remember back in July when you were complaining about the heat?  July is beginning to sound good, isn’t it?  So, how do you know when it is too cold?  Here are ten ways to tell:

1. Your outdoor thermometer is wearing mukluks.
2. Penguins are walking around saying, “What the hell?”
3. Your ears snapped off an hour ago.
4. If you’re one of those people who spit when they talk, you seriously injure someone during an outdoor conversation.
5. Your dog volunteers to wear that stupid sweater you knitted for him.
6. A dish of ice cream sounds refreshing.
7. That winter home in Iceland is looking inviting.
8. Your heating bill for the month has more digits than the National Debt.
9. You’re wearing so many layers of clothing; you have to decide two days in advance if you have to go to the bathroom.
10. Your nipples keep knocking things off the shelf.

There you have it.  Ten sure fire ways to tell it’s really cold out.  Hang in there, though, before your know it, Spring will be here.  Until then, remember to wear layers of clothing, stay warm and keep your nipples in check.